You all know the sketch. If you don't, watch.
I now strive to re-imagine that particular bit of comic history in my own way. Four separate posts.
VARIATION 1
CUSTOMER: Hello. I'd like to register a complaint.
SHOPKEEPER: Yes, sir?
C: This parrot is dead.
S: Yes.
C: And... ?
S: Ummm... I'm sorry about that.
C: And... ?
S: Did you want us to do something about that, sir?
C: I would like you to replace the bird with a live one.
S: Sir, we don't sell birds.
C: Yes, I know that.
S: This is an office supply superstore.
C: I know that.
S: So, I... well, I know there's a veterinarian down the block, and I'm sure...
C: A vet isn't going to help now.
S: Probably not, no, but perhaps she could recommend a pet burial service.
C: For what? This?
S: Yes, the parrot.
C: This isn't my pet.
S: Oh. Whose pet is it?
C: It's mine, but it's not my pet.
S: Uhh...
C: It's my stapler.
S: Wha...
C: Was my stapler, until it died.
S: Sir?
C: Now I need a new one.
S: Sorry, sir, we're fresh out of that model.
C: Well, do you have any staples that might fit in my hamster?
-end-
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