Plot Point!
Cast:
Poppy
Quint
Setting: Blank stage. Lines and action must move incredibly fast.
Poppy: Oh, Quint, I'm pregnant!
Quint: Poppy! No!
P: This came for you in the mail today.
Q: A letter with no return address...
P: Who's it from?
Q: It doesn't say!
P: Open it!
Q: I can't!
P: Why not?
Q: I lost my hands this morning!
P: No!
Q: Yes! In the shower!
P: I'll go get them!
Q: Too late! The thirty-foot alligator got them!
P: What thirty-foot alligator, Quint?
Q: The one I discovered living in the rec room!
P: We don't have a rec room!
Q: I know! It was very surprising to find an alligator in a room we don't have!
P: Yes! We must leave the house!
Q: Why?!
P: Because my old boyfriend is stalking me!
Q: Where?
P: Mainly from behind!
Q: No! We'll never see him that way!
P: I certainly won't!
Q: Why?!
P: I'm blind!
Q: Poppy! No!
P: Yes! It happened in Russia!
Q: Russia!!
P: Yes!
Q: No! When?!
P: I don't know! I have amnesia!
Q: No! So do I!
P: That's the fourth time this week!
Q: If you say so!
P: I do say so! I just said it!
Q: I have to believe you said it, Poppy! Because I lost my hearing!
P: Quint! No! Where?!
Q: In my ears!
P: Not there!
Q: Yes, and in France too!
P: France!!
Q: Russia!!
P: We must do something!
Q: We will go back to France!
P: Yes! To France!
Q: To find my hearing!
P: Then to Russia!
Q: Why were you in Russia, Poppy?
P: I forget!
Q: So do I!
P and Q: Amnesia!!!
Q: We must get our lives back!
P: And your hearing!
Q: And your vision!
P: And your hands!
Q: And our not-rec room!
P: Yes!
Q: And we must open this mysterious letter!
P: Hand it to me!
Q: I can't!
P: Give it to me!
Q: Here you go!
P: There! It's opened! Read it!
Q: I can't!
P: Why not!
Q: The writing is on the other side!
P: There you go! Now read it!
Q: It says that we may already be dead!
P: No! I feared as much!
Q: Who would want to kill us?!
P: People from Russia!
Q: Russia!
P: Or France!
Q: France!
P: Or amnesia!
Q: Amnesia!
P: Or the rec room!
Q: Rec Room!
P: Quint, we must leave at once!
Q: Let's pack for our trip!
P: No time!
Q: Why?!
P: The house is on fire!
Q: No!
P: Yes!
Q: Again?
P: Yes! Let's go!
Q: We can't!
P: Why not?!
Q: The doors are locked!
P: No!!!
Q: Someone doesn't want us to leave our burning building!
P: Who?!
Q: The Doctors!
P: Doctors!!!
Q: Because the experiments have worked too well!
P: The experiments?!
Q: Yes! In France!
P: France!!
Q: It was unheard of, of course!
P: Yes?!
Q: And I couldn't tell you!
P: No?!
Q: But, now I must!
P: Yes, you must!
Q: Poppy?!
P: Quint?!
Q: I'm pregnant!
P: Dear God!
Q: Yes!
P: Who's the mother?!
Q: Could be any French woman!
P: Any?
Q: Of the ones who were at the science lab!
P: The lab!!
Q: Poppy!
P: Quint!
Q: Who's the father?!
P: Mother Russia!
Q: Russia!!
P: We can only take one course!
Q: What!?
P: We must have the children and give them to the Overground!
Q: Yes! The Overground!
P: They will raise them free of our problems!
Q: They will teach them to have normal lives!
P: They will be happy!
Q: Oh yes!
P: Quint?!
Q: Poppy?!
P: We have only one problem!
Q: Yes?!
P: We must give birth immediately!
Q: Why?!
P: The fire is getting closer!
Q: It is?!
P: Yes!
Q: Oh no!
P: We must do it now, Quint!
Q: Mine's not ready!
P: Nor is mine!
Q: What then!?
P: Here! Take this pill!
Q: Put it in my mouth!
P: There! It's from Russia!
Q: Russia!!
P: That's why I was there; to get these secret pills!
Q: Your amnesia's gone!
P: Yes! Now I just have pregnancy!
Q: Me too!
P: The pill will cause the fetus to gestate immediately!
Q: Goodie!
P: There! Now I've taken one too!
Q: Ouch!
P: What!?
Q: I just gave birth! Look, here's the baby!
P: I believe you! Ouch!
Q: You too?!
P: Yes!
Q: Quickly, bring the babies to the rec room!
P: Put them in the bean bag escape pods!
Q: The alligator will pilot them to the Overground mothership!
P: They'll be safe there!
Q: Raised light years from this planet!
P: Secure and happy!
Q: Goodbye children!
P: We will always treasure our thirty seconds together!
Q: Ohh, Poppy! Have we done the right thing?
P: Of course we haven't!
Q: Yes!
P: But we did the best we could under the circumstances!
Q: Poppy?!
P: Quint?!
Q: I'm having an affair!
P: Oh! Your amnesia's gone again!
Q: Yes, it is!
P: Quint?
Q: Yes?!
P: I'm also having an affair!
Q: Yes, with me!
P: Yes!
Q: Poppy?!
P: Quint?!
Q: Is the house still on fire?
P: No.
Q: Yeah!
P: We live to fight another day!
Q: Who are we fighting again?
P: Never ask that!
Q: Sorry!
(lights out)
(end)
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