July 1, 2006

A Play A Day #79

Plot Point!


Setting: Blank stage. Lines and action must move incredibly fast.

Poppy: Oh, Quint, I'm pregnant!

Quint: Poppy! No!

P: This came for you in the mail today.

Q: A letter with no return address...

P: Who's it from?

Q: It doesn't say!

P: Open it!

Q: I can't!

P: Why not?

Q: I lost my hands this morning!

P: No!

Q: Yes! In the shower!

P: I'll go get them!

Q: Too late! The thirty-foot alligator got them!

P: What thirty-foot alligator, Quint?

Q: The one I discovered living in the rec room!

P: We don't have a rec room!

Q: I know! It was very surprising to find an alligator in a room we don't have!

P: Yes! We must leave the house!

Q: Why?!

P: Because my old boyfriend is stalking me!

Q: Where?

P: Mainly from behind!

Q: No! We'll never see him that way!

P: I certainly won't!

Q: Why?!

P: I'm blind!

Q: Poppy! No!

P: Yes! It happened in Russia!

Q: Russia!!

P: Yes!

Q: No! When?!

P: I don't know! I have amnesia!

Q: No! So do I!

P: That's the fourth time this week!

Q: If you say so!

P: I do say so! I just said it!

Q: I have to believe you said it, Poppy! Because I lost my hearing!

P: Quint! No! Where?!

Q: In my ears!

P: Not there!

Q: Yes, and in France too!

P: France!!

Q: Russia!!

P: We must do something!

Q: We will go back to France!

P: Yes! To France!

Q: To find my hearing!

P: Then to Russia!

Q: Why were you in Russia, Poppy?

P: I forget!

Q: So do I!

P and Q: Amnesia!!!

Q: We must get our lives back!

P: And your hearing!

Q: And your vision!

P: And your hands!

Q: And our not-rec room!

P: Yes!

Q: And we must open this mysterious letter!

P: Hand it to me!

Q: I can't!

P: Give it to me!

Q: Here you go!

P: There! It's opened! Read it!

Q: I can't!

P: Why not!

Q: The writing is on the other side!

P: There you go! Now read it!

Q: It says that we may already be dead!

P: No! I feared as much!

Q: Who would want to kill us?!

P: People from Russia!

Q: Russia!

P: Or France!

Q: France!

P: Or amnesia!

Q: Amnesia!

P: Or the rec room!

Q: Rec Room!

P: Quint, we must leave at once!

Q: Let's pack for our trip!

P: No time!

Q: Why?!

P: The house is on fire!

Q: No!

P: Yes!

Q: Again?

P: Yes! Let's go!

Q: We can't!

P: Why not?!

Q: The doors are locked!

P: No!!!

Q: Someone doesn't want us to leave our burning building!

P: Who?!

Q: The Doctors!

P: Doctors!!!

Q: Because the experiments have worked too well!

P: The experiments?!

Q: Yes! In France!

P: France!!

Q: It was unheard of, of course!

P: Yes?!

Q: And I couldn't tell you!

P: No?!

Q: But, now I must!

P: Yes, you must!

Q: Poppy?!

P: Quint?!

Q: I'm pregnant!

P: Dear God!

Q: Yes!

P: Who's the mother?!

Q: Could be any French woman!

P: Any?

Q: Of the ones who were at the science lab!

P: The lab!!

Q: Poppy!

P: Quint!

Q: Who's the father?!

P: Mother Russia!

Q: Russia!!

P: We can only take one course!

Q: What!?

P: We must have the children and give them to the Overground!

Q: Yes! The Overground!

P: They will raise them free of our problems!

Q: They will teach them to have normal lives!

P: They will be happy!

Q: Oh yes!

P: Quint?!

Q: Poppy?!

P: We have only one problem!

Q: Yes?!

P: We must give birth immediately!

Q: Why?!

P: The fire is getting closer!

Q: It is?!

P: Yes!

Q: Oh no!

P: We must do it now, Quint!

Q: Mine's not ready!

P: Nor is mine!

Q: What then!?

P: Here! Take this pill!

Q: Put it in my mouth!

P: There! It's from Russia!

Q: Russia!!

P: That's why I was there; to get these secret pills!

Q: Your amnesia's gone!

P: Yes! Now I just have pregnancy!

Q: Me too!

P: The pill will cause the fetus to gestate immediately!

Q: Goodie!

P: There! Now I've taken one too!

Q: Ouch!

P: What!?

Q: I just gave birth! Look, here's the baby!

P: I believe you! Ouch!

Q: You too?!

P: Yes!

Q: Quickly, bring the babies to the rec room!

P: Put them in the bean bag escape pods!

Q: The alligator will pilot them to the Overground mothership!

P: They'll be safe there!

Q: Raised light years from this planet!

P: Secure and happy!

Q: Goodbye children!

P: We will always treasure our thirty seconds together!

Q: Ohh, Poppy! Have we done the right thing?

P: Of course we haven't!

Q: Yes!

P: But we did the best we could under the circumstances!

Q: Poppy?!

P: Quint?!

Q: I'm having an affair!

P: Oh! Your amnesia's gone again!

Q: Yes, it is!

P: Quint?

Q: Yes?!

P: I'm also having an affair!

Q: Yes, with me!

P: Yes!

Q: Poppy?!

P: Quint?!

Q: Is the house still on fire?

P: No.

Q: Yeah!

P: We live to fight another day!

Q: Who are we fighting again?

P: Never ask that!

Q: Sorry!

(lights out)


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