June 29, 2006

A Play A Day #77

Arm In Arm


Setting: Set is done entirely in shades of gray, Misty and Wiley enter arm in arm, impeccably dressed in blacks, grays and whites for a late evening stroll, no sound on the stage, have them wear slippers if necessary, or run a very noisy film projector from the house, sending background imagery onto any of the stage walls. Actors should never make any noise that could be heard above the film projector. Everything proceeds as normal, except when the actors talk, they lip-synch the words, the stage goes dark, and then the words they lip-synched appear on the stage wall for long enough for audience to read them, then lights come back up. Actions between and with words should be exaggerated in great melodramatic fashion.

Misty: (Sure is dark.)

Wiley: (Don't worry, dear; you're safe with me.)

Misty: (Yes, I know, Wiley. You are such a marvelous man!)

Wiley: (Thank you for saying so, Misty.)

Misty: (I've never known a man as marvelous as you!)

Wiley: (Ohhh...)

Misty: (Then again, I haven't gone with many men.)

Wiley: (No?)

Misty: (It's true.)

Wiley: (Truly?)

Misty: (Yes.)

Wiley: (Do tell me of the others who have chased your fair hand.)

Misty: (Ohh... must I, Wiley?)

Wiley: (Verily, I do insist.)

Misty: (Certainly, it is your right to know.)

Wiley: (I must know.)

Misty: (Yes... well...)

Wiley: (Misty, please tell me. I can handle it.)

Misty: (Well... first there was Maurice.)

Wiley: (Not Maurice, the blacksmith?)

Misty: (Yes, the very same.)

Wiley: (Why? He was known in country and town as a vulgar lout.)

Misty: (Yes! I know!)

Wiley: (Surely, you were treated rudely and suffered unduly)

Misty: (Well, at first, I fell in love... with his hammer!)

Wiley: (The scoundrel!)

Misty: (The way he pounded it! So powerfully and with such speed and confidence!)

Wiley: (The clangorous cad!)

Misty: (I found out, almost too late, that he planned to use his hammer against me!)

Wiley: (I knew it! The smoke-befouled wretch!)

Misty: (I beat him off just in time, or surely I would have faced far more injurious behavior at his hands!)

Wiley: (Misty, this angers me so!)

Misty: (Do not fret; Maurice is no longer a concern of mine.)

Wiley: (He has left the county?)

Misty: (Yes, so to speak.)

Wiley: (Hmmm...)

Misty: (Well...)

Wiley: (Hmmmm...)

Misty: (Must you insist so... insistingly?)

Wiley: (I'm afraid I must.)

Misty: (I was walking with Maurice one night, arm in arm, when he...)

Wiley: (What?)

Misty: ((gasp))

Wiley: (Misty!? Tell me what it is that happened!)

Misty: ((sob))

Wiley: (Was the monster.... forward?..... with you?)

Misty: (Yes! Yes! He tried to (sob) grab my, ohh my frail heart....)

Wiley: (He tried to grab your... breast?)

Misty: (No...)

Wiley: (Your derriere?)

Misty: (No...)

Wiley: (Dear Jehovah! Not your... ummm...)

Misty: (Yes!)

Wiley: (You poor dear heart! Whatever did you, a beautiful, vulnerable woman, do at that time?)

Misty: (I did what any proper lady would!)

Wiley: (Yes?)

Misty: (I said, no man shall touch my knee lest we be married!)

Wiley: (Ohh... yes... yes, indeed!)

Misty: (He persisted, and his language became very rough and unusual.)

Wiley: (Your refusal had confused him, mayhap?)

Misty: (Luckily, when Maurice had pursued his descent to madness almost to its fullest extent, a stranger appeared.)

Wiley: (A stranger. Do tell more.)

Misty: (He challenged Maurice for my honor; they drew pistols, and, at the last possible moment, Maurice shouted something about his life no being worth it, and he shot himself dead!)

Wiley: (In your presence?)

Misty: (Yes. It was... grim.)

Wiley: (Not something for a woman's eyes!)

Misty: (So fragile eyes as mine.)

Wiley: (Who was this stranger?)

Misty: (He ran off before the smoke settled, saying only, "Return one day!")

Wiley: (Egads! What a story you tell, Misty!)

Misty: (Yes... and that's just the beginning!)

Wiley: (The beginning?)

Misty: (Yes! For it has happened eight times since that day.)

[from here to the end, Wiley's lip-synched words will stop matching what is appearing on the screen, he will notice and get more and more flustered as the scene progresses, left to protest in silence, while simultaneously playing along with the words on the screen which he believes must be exactly what he's supposed to be doing, he will be protesting yet performing as instructed, try it, it's possible]

Wiley: (Eight times? Surely a harlot like you must have allowed someone to touch her delicate knee!)

Misty: ((gasp!!))

Wiley: (Why must you gasp so, whore!)

Misty: ((gasp, gasp!!))

Wiley: dropping to his knees roughly (Up with the skirt, you precious tart!)

Misty: ((gasp!)) (Oh me! Oh my!)

Wiley: pulling at her petticoats (Come on! This is the only reason women walk arm in arm!)

Misty: (No Wiley!! Stop!)

Wiley: (Come on! Let's see those babies!)

Misty: (You are surely deranged!)

Wiley: (I want what any real man wants!)

Misty: escaping his grasp and running (Away! Away! Foul beast!)

Wiley: chasing (I will catch you, and I will touch more than your knees!)

Misty: (No, you mustn't!!)

Wiley: (Yes, I must!!)

Misty: (No, you mustn't!!)

Wiley: grabbing her (Yes, I must!!)

Misty: (Help! Help! Someone save me!)

Wiley: (No one will hear your screams out here!)

[Francis enters, dark and handsome, he raises his pistol]

Francis: (Unhand the girl, you barbarous skag!)

Wiley: letting go of Misty (Ah hah! We meet at last, stranger!)

Francis: (If you've any gentleman left in you, I will trust you turn your back to mine take ten counted steps and turn and fire.)

Wiley: (You will find that I have gentleman enough to take those steps and finish you on the turn!)

Francis: (Begin! 1...2...3...4... )[overlapping Wiley, dark on stage the whole time]

Wiley: (1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...8...hey...9...) [shot is fired, lights up, Wiley lies dead, Francis kicks him lightly to check, then crosses to Misty, long, passionate kiss with plenty of fondling, including carressing of her knees, ensues]

Misty: (Oh Francis! How I've missed you and your heroics! That was a new way to run things!)

Francis: (Yes, I was bored with the old suicide-at-the-last-possible-moment story line.)

Misty: (So simple, just force him to count wrongly, and shoot him when you reach ten.)

Francis: (Speaking of ten, that was the tenth on the list, correct?)

Misty: (Yes darling! Only three left!)

Francis: (Who are they?)

Misty: (Wendell, Winston, and Willis)

Francis: (Ahh! Veni, Vidi, Vici!)

Misty: (Yes! Then we shall be together!)

Francis: (I still can't believe your father listed me as number fourteen!)

Misty: (I know darling, but we are very nearly through the list; then he will have to honor our marriage!)

Francis: (Yes, our plan is working perfectly.)

Misty: (I must depart now.)

Francis: (So quickly?)

Misty: (Yes, so I can allow Wendell to start courting me properly; the sooner to get him here.)

Francis: (I know. Will it take a full week again?)

Misty: (You just clean up Wiley here, and wait patiently!)

Francis: (But...)

Misty: (No, Francis; wait patiently; we must never been seen together until it's your turn to court me!)

Francis: (I know.)

Misty: (You just start working on new dialogue screens for the next time!)

Francis: (Yes.)

Misty: (Your writing is getting better; you still make the man get too forward very abruptly.)

Francis: (I like right turns like that.)

Misty: (Fine, but maybe you can make it a more subtle build next time.)

Francis: (I'll work on it.)

Misty: (His name is Wendell; spelled W-E-N-D-E-L-L, and can I please tell of one of the other victims besides Maurice, the blacksmith.)

Francis: (Well, he was the first. You never forget your first scripted victim.)

Misty: (Well, whatever; I must run; watch for me in about a week, Wendell will be his name.)

[more kissing]

Francis: (Yes, I know.)

Misty: (When you see us enter the park arm in arm; start the dialogue screeens.)

Francis: (I will! 'Til then, my sweet!) [both exit, opposite directions]

(lights out, "To Be Continued..." appears on dialogue screen)


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You've been secrety reading my romance novels again, haven't you?...