June 22, 2006

A Play A Day #70

Three Jugs


Setting: Three chairs. Corey, Plato and Nickels are sitting with their large old-time crockery jugs in their laps.

Corey: It didn't have that, I don't know, heft?

Plato: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Nickels: Shall we motivate?

Plato: Huh?

Nickels: Let's do it again.

Corey: Nickels, can we add some more, I don't know, bass?

Plato: More bass, more bass!

Nickels: Sure, than you take counterpoint, Corey.

Corey: So you do what then, Nickels?

Nickels: I've got the bass part covered; you and Plato play off me.

Plato: Cool! Cool! Cool!

Corey: Alright, can we, I don't know, start?

Nickels: Yes. A-one, two, three and...

(Nickels, Corey and Plato attempt to play "Fanfare for the Common Man" by Copland. It goes about as well as you'd expect, meaning it's pretty much not recognizable as such, they thud the floor for the percussion parts)

Plato: Awesome! That was awesome!

Corey: Yeah, it seems more like, I don't know, complete?

Nickels: Again?

Corey: No, could we just, I don't know, ummm... start another one?

Plato: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Nickels: The next piece it is then. One, two, three, and...

(It is "Farandole" by Bizet. It's only such in the most optimistic of ears.)

Plato: That was so awesome!!

Nickels: Wow! You two have been practicing!

Corey: Yeah, I think I've been busting my chops four hours every, I don't know, day?

Nickels: I have a little surprise for you guys today.

Plato: Cool! What is it? What is it?

Nickels: Well, she should be here anytime now.

Plato: She? Cool! Cool! Cool!

Corey: Nickels, there's going to be a, I don't know, she?

Nickels: Well, we met the other day. You know how I'm always asking for more high-end out of you guys?

Plato: Yeah! High-end! High-end!

Nickels: And I get frustrated because you guys just haven't been able to deliver...

Corey: Well, it's just that we play, I don't know, jugs?

Nickels: Yes, I realized that; so I thought, maybe we could try something different.

Corey: You mean like something instead of...uhhh, I don't know, jugs?

Nickels: Yeah, something to bring out the high-end.

Plato: Yeah! Tweet! Tweet! Tweet!

Nickels: Right, so I met this woman; her name is Pokey Mikkels.

Corey: And she plays like a different, I don't know, instrument?

Plato: Nickels and Mikkels! Nickels! Mikkels!

Nickels: Yep, we rhyme, Plato, but that's not why I invited her.

Corey: Is she like your, I don't know, girlfriend?

Plato: Oh no! Ono! Yoko! Ono!

Nickels: No, she's not my girlfriend; she IS a professional trianglist, though!

Plato: Tweet! Tweet! Percussion!

Nickels: Well, actually just the triangle.

Corey: (hears a knock) Oh, I think she might be, ummmm.... here?

Nickels: (has left at the knock, now coming back on stag with Pokey and her triangle) Guys, this is Pokey! (handshakes all around)

Corey: I've heard a lot about, uhhh... I don't know, you?

Plato: Cool! Triangle! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Nickels: Well, the really good news is that, with Pokey's expertise, we can finally flesh out "Sabre Dance".

Corey: Right, we should be able to really, like, I don't know, play it?

Plato: Kha! Cha! Tur! EEEE! An!

Nickels: Let's give it a go; ready, Pokey? (nod from Pokey who stands behind Nickels with her triangle and baton held aloft)

(They proceed to butcher "Sabre Dance", Pokey trying to capture the entire xylophone portion with a madwoman's energy, failing spastically and all around the stage)

Plato: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We win! We win!!

Nickels: Yes, that was it guys. Pokey, you really brought the right... energy.... Pokey? Pokey?

(Pokey has collapsed on stage, she is crying quietly, then getting louder)

Corey: I... uhhhh... I think she's, ummm, crying?

Nickels: Pokey? Pokey... what's wrong?

Pokey: (lifting her head) Nothing! Nothing! It was... incredible... I never understood that song until this moment....

Plato: Alright! Rock out for understanding! The triangle gets it!

Pokey: Yeah, that's it Plato! I get it now! Wow!

Nickels: Excellent. Should we work it again?

Pokey: No! It's just right the way we did it!

Corey: Hey guys... maybe we're like, I don't know, ready?

Plato: Ready! Big time! Big time! Big time!

Nickels: Yes. I think we are ready.

Pokey: I think we can make it into the city orchestra, guys! We are definitely ready!

(lights start fading)

Nickels: O.K. Where to?

Plato: Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

Corey: We always have, I don't know, pizza?

(Pokey looks at them, disbelievingly)

Nickels: I'm not talking about pizza, guys! I think we're ready for bigger things. So, quit joking around. You heard how we played! (long pause, Pokey perks up, listening) I think... the new Vietnamese place on Riverbend.

(They start exiting, ad libbing argument about where to eat. Pokey looks after them in despair; lights out.)


1 comment:

Brendon Etter said...

So, I have to confess, I wrote this because I desperately want to see someone attempt to play those three rousing classical pieces on jugs and a triangle. That would be so, I don't know, cool?

Tweet! Tweet!