June 16, 2006

A Play A Day #64

The Passion Of The Christ

Jesus Christ

Setting: The last supper or thereabouts.

Jesus: I say to you assembled here that I will die, so that your souls shall be forever free. Because you have believed in me and my Father, you shall have eternal life. Though you may die, your earthly bodies return to dust from whence they came, your spirit will reside with me in my Father's house. I have little time left in this world, but I have eternity in Heaven. You have come to my aid in times of trouble; you have followed me though it meant your persecution; for these gifts, I give you and all my followers throughout time, an everlasting peace, a peace unknown to any but thee, a... uhhh...

Nigel: (entering) Cut!

Jesus: Sorry, Nigel. Daddammnit!

Nigel: (pulling Jesus aside, arm over his shoulder) What's up, Christ? C'mon man, I need you here... you know, in the moment. That was the 11th take on that speech; you've got it down, right?

Jesus: Yeah, yeah...

Nigel: We can bring in the teleprompter if you...

Jesus: No, no, I got it, I got it...

Nigel: Listen, I know it's corny and trite stuff, but I need you to commit to it, make it real, draw the viewer in, you know!?

Jesus: Yeah, I guess I just...

Nigel: You're giving me the lines, but are you believing it? You know? I need you in the lines, man. You gotta believe in it, even if it is schlocky pablum.

Jesus: I know, Nigel. I'm just really tired.

Nigel: I hear ya, I hear ya.

Jesus: Lot of stress lately, you know?

Nigel: Yeah, yeah, I know, man.

Jesus: I'm gona get nailed to the cross thing tomorrow....

Nigel: Hey, I understand that, we've all got these deadlines.

Jesus: It's probably going to hurt a lot.

Nigel: Yeah, I know, man.

Jesus: I got a lot of stuff to sorta tie together before then. Loose ends and stuff.

Nigel: We're sure gonna miss you on the set...

Jesus: Thanks, Nigel, I appreciate that.

Nigel: We'll get it this time, alright!? Let's do it!

Jesus: Alright!

Nigel: Focus, intensity, passion! You can do this; it's gonna look great!

Jesus: (getting back into position) Intensity! Yes! I can do this!

Nigel: (starting to exit) Quiet on the set!!

Jesus: Oh, hey, Nigel, I just want to double-check, after the last line of my speech, that's when the zombies break through the door, right?

Nigel: Yep, right on the last word, you know "blah-blah-blah never die" and wham! The zombies start coming in.

Jesus: O.K. Cool! That's what I thought!

Nigel: Your battleaxe is under the table, on your right.

Jesus: Yep, got it!

Nigel: Just grab it and start swinging.

Jesus: Check!

Nigel: (exits) Quiet on the set!! Count us in, Rick!

(lights out)


1 comment:

Circe said...

I finally had a chance to read this...Passion of the Christ...and it's hilarious!! I am going to do my best to catch up on the rest. I can't wait to see you in all SEVEN!!! of your gorgeous dresses on Friday.