June 18, 2006

A Play A Day #66



Setting: Table, two chairs. Derek and Layla sitting, discussing

Layla: What about women who had their breasts surgically removed?

Derek: What, for fun?

L: No. Cancer, other things.

D: What other things?

L: Like an accident or something.

D: Like get the left one caught between the elevator doors?

L: Anyway, you know what I mean.

D: Yes.

L: So what about that?

D: Are you trying to say that's why you did it?

L: No, not really....

D: Not really?

L: Yeah.

D: You almost got breast cancer or something?

L: Oh, c'mon...

D: Nearly cut one off?

L: No, I...

D: Trimming the bushes...

L: Derek...

D: ... and the shears slipped a bit.

L: Stop it.

D: Well, what did you mean, "not really"?

L: Just that I did it for other reasons.

D: You're thirty-two. Your tits looked great before.

L: Thanks for noticing.

D: So, I don't understand this pre-emptive strike against cancer or whatever...

L: It wasn't that at all.

D: I guess now, you'll just be able to trade up if you do get breast cancer, huh?

L: No.

D: Just return 'em to the store.

L: Oh, shut up.

D: They're broken, get a new pair...

L: Blah, blah...

D: Hope you saved your receipt!

L: I had my own reasons, o.k.!

D: Such as what?

L: It's just... uhh...

D: Just what?

L: Stop interrupting me, o.k.? It's hard to explain.

D: Yes, definitely harder than before.

L: Ha ha.

D: Sorry, anyway...

L: Anyway, it will help me in many ways.

D: Like what?

L: At work.

D: At work?!

L: Yes.

D: You're a real estate agent!

L: I know that.

D: I mean, you sell houses!

L: Yeah, I know that too.

D: I know you do, but...

L: It goes with being a real estate agent...

D: Yeah, yeah, but...

L: I learned that the first day...

D: What does...

L: They drove me to a house, dropped me off, and told me they'd be back when I sold it.

D: Ha ha, Layla.

L: Here I thought I'd be sewing buttons on shirts all day.

D: You're avoiding the issue.

L: Yeah, so?

D: Why'd you do it for work?

L: Your personality helps sell the house as much as anything.

D: Yeah... and?

L: This adds to my personality.

D: How? It adds to your chest, that's it.

L: Listen, it's well known in the industry that attractive real estate women sell more homes at higher prices, especially when men are the purchasers.

D: So, this is an attempt to do more business?

L: I'm paid on commission, Derek.

D: Yeah, so you changed your body to get higher wages?

L: I want to be successful.

D: You were plenty attractive before.

L: Thanks.

D: Your breasts looked fine.

L: A little uneven.

D: That's totally normal, even I know that, and my breasts are even!

L: Very funny, but they were.

D: And you were worried about this because you frequently sell houses topless?

L: Hey, anything for the commission.

D: Seriously though, there was nothing wrong with your looks before this.

L: Now there's even less.

D: I don't think you can say that.

L: What? Ohh...

D: They must have noticed at the office; I mean you work with pretty all women, right.

L: They liked it. Most of the the other agents have done it too.

D: Unbelievable.

L: It's perfectly normal.

D: Like some sick competition.

L: No, not at all. It was my choice.

D: So you read this "study" or whatever, and it plants this idea, and pow! Layla 2.0 is born.

L: Kind of; I didn't really read the study...

D: You just heard about it.

L: Deb told me that it was well known.

D: Your boss?

L: Yeah, Deb.

D: Who gets a commission on your commission?

L: Yeah.

D: So, she believes this study...

L: I guess.

D: She figures, mo' boob, mo' money?

L: I don't think it's like a calculation on her part.

D: Yes, it totally is!

L: Well, she wants the business to succeed.

D: She would know about using tits to sell things...

L: That's mean.

D: Ol' Double-D Deb.

L: Her breasts are real.

D: Now, yours aren't. Ironic.

L: Not really.

D: So, is her official title "Madam" now?

L: Stop it, Derek.

D: Got her little stable of fillies she lets out to lassoo customers, lead them in the front doors with their breasts.

L: What about you, Derek?

D: What?

L: How's Shelby?

D: Left last year.

L: She had rather large breasts.

D: Yeah.

L: If you liked my old breasts so much, why'd you walk as soon as the cute young thing moved in next door?

D: She's a year younger than you.

L: With tits that didn't stop, huh?

D: They were big.

L: And fake.

D: I didn't know that, at first.

L: You could've asked me! Women always know.

D: Didn't seem like the appropriate thing to do.

L: But divorcing your wife of five years to move in with your lover next door?!! That's fine!

D: I couldn't keep it up.

L: No comment.

D: I meant the marriage.

L: Yeah, no comment.

D: I did love you.

L: You never did.

D: I still do.

L: No, you don't.

D: I do.

L: So, you call me here to make fun of my new breasts, and tell me you still love me?

D: Well... I...

L: (starting to cry) I.... I... can't fucking believe you!

D: You didn't have to come...

L: I figured I'd fake it one more time, Derek.

D: Alright...

L: For you, honey.

D: I just wanted to see you. It's been too long.

L: Stop, Derek... just stop...

D: O.K. Listen. I'm just really surprised you did it.

L: I was surprised you did it too.

D: I meant your breasts.

L: I meant Shelby's.

D: I want you back.

L: I'm not yours to have back.

D: I want you to be. I want to be yours again.

L: I.... (tears, long pause).... no.

D: Please. Layla. Please.

L: Please go.

D: No. I never loved Shelby.

L: Surprise.

D: She left me because of you.

L: What?

D: She said I was still married to you.

L: No. I've got the papers.

D: In my heart, I mean.

L: I knew what you meant.

D: She was right.

L: Yeah?

D: So were you.

L: Yeah?

D: Layla... please.

L: (long pause) No.

D: We'll start small again.

L: I know you will.

D: What?

L: Get a dick implant, and we'll start negotiations.

D: Layla! What?! That's sick!

L: That's o.k., you never felt very good anyway.

D: I can't!

L: Rather, I never felt you very good.

D: Not everyone has to have fake parts, Layla.

L: I know, but I figure I've got the upper hand here.

D: This is about love.

L: Is it?

D: Not just sex.

L: Yeah, I want to love sex.

D: Size doesn't matter.

L: I got a drawer full of dildos that disagree with you.

D: You're all about plastic these days, aren't you?!

L: Yeah, I guess I am.

D: I can't believe you!

L: I can't believe me either! I'm totally hot!

D: You're a phoney!

L: (She unbuttons top two buttons of her blouse as she says) Nice to see you again, Derek. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a very large house to sell to a very horny man.

D: Whore!

L: No, remember, I didn't take you back. (she starts exiting)

D: Don't trip on your tits on the way out!

L: Thanks, I won't. (looking back, big smile) Better cross your legs, (air quotes) "Big Boy". (Derek crosses his legs to hide his erection, embarrassed, Layla continues out) Though I doubt anyone will notice.

(lights out)



Brendon Etter said...

So, is this play too vicious? I can see where some people would think so. I see it as two characters getting a little bit of grief based on their decisions; they are hurting each other, yes, but they also care. They probably do love each other, but people seem to reserve the largest cuts for those they love. A fine, fine line between love and pain.

Anonymous said...

You know- I think Oprah had something about this in the latest issue...