August 25, 2006

A Play A Day #134

Spot On


Setting: On the bank of a pond, in the woods. Zeke is sitting on the bank, bushes all around him. We see Zed walk by, then look back and peer through the bushes.

Zed: Zeke? Zeke Millit? Is that you?

Zeke: (barely acknowledging him) Yep.

Zed: Well! Funny meeting you out here on this trail.

Zeke: Actually not on the trail, Zed.

Zed: Whatcha doin' out here?

Zeke: Sittin'. Lookin' at Duckeye Pond here.

Zed: Hey, mind if I join ya? My feet are a little sore. (sitting down about three feet away from Zeke)

Zeke: Go right ahead.

Zed: Yeah... I'm scoutin' out a new place for my deer stand next autumn... this autumn comin' up, I mean.

Zeke: Oh.

Zed: Friend of mine told me that this neck of woods is pretty good.

Zeke: Yep.

Zed: So, I'm just walking around looking for good trees, checking angles and sight lines.

Zeke: Sure.

Zed: So, you come here a lot?

Zeke: Yep, least once a week.

Zed: Yeah... it's a nice spot.

Zeke: Great spot.

Zed: Nice view; leaves'll be turnin' before too long.

Zeke: Yep. They do that.

Zed: So, you just come out here and sit once a week?

Zeke: Sort of.

Zed: How d'ya mean?

Zeke: Well, sometimes I sit; sometimes... I stand.

Zed: Oh... yeah, sure, of course, but you just come out here? No fishing or anything?

Zeke: Got nothing on me.

Zed: You take pictures out here?

Zeke: Only with my mind.

Zed: I'd bring a lunch or something like that, if I came out here.

Zeke: You are out here.

Zed: Well, yeah... I meant if...

Zeke: Where's your lunch?

Zed: If I came out here just to come out here, you know?

Zeke: With your lunch?

Zed: Yeah, probably bring a lunch something...

Zeke: Then you'd be having lunch.

Zed: Right, yeah... lunch out here.

Zeke: Then you wouldn't be here, just to be here, right?

Zed: Yeah... eating a little lunch in a great spot like this.

Zeke: You'd be eating lunch.

Zed: Yeah. That'd be nice...

Zeke: You'd be eating lunch, which means you'd be out here to eat lunch.

Zed: Right.

Zeke: That means you wouldn't be out here only to be out here.

Zed: Huh?

Zeke: You'd be out here to eat lunch!

Zed: Ohhhh... I... I get it. I get what you're sayin'! Good point.

Zeke: I thought so.

Zed: (pause) So, you just come out here just to be here.

(Zeke touches his nose, points at Zed, the "you got it" gesture)

Zed: No fishin', no huntin', no readin', eatin', anything.

Zeke: Yep.

Zed: I guess that makes sense... go to the woods just to be in the woods.

Zeke: That's all it is.

Zed: No goal, no plan, just walk out here and sit.

Zeke: Or stand.

Zed: Or stand, sure.

Zeke: It's that simple.

Zed: Yeah, that is pretty simple.

Zeke: Just being.

Zed: Just you and the woods.

Zeke: Yep.

Zed: And the pond.... good ol' Duckeye Pond.

Zeke: Good ol' Duckeye.

Zed: Why d'ya think they call it "Duckeye" anyway?

Zeke: Duckass was already taken.

Zed: Ha! That's a good one!

Zeke: Yep.

Zed: Duckass was already taken... ohhh... nice one...

Zeke: Thanks.

Zed: (laughter slows, then stops, long pause) Yeah, it's a nice spot.

Zeke: You said as much a few times.

Zed: Yep. You just sit... or stand... out here for the whole day?

Zeke: Nah, couple hours, maybe.

Zed: Hmmm.... and that's it?

Zeke: O.K. O.K. Since you insist on bringing it up repeatedly...

Zed: I...

Zeke: There's one thing I often do do out here.

Zed: Oh? (pause) What's that?

Zeke: Well, it's a nice, quiet place to take a piss.

Zed: Sure. Nothing like pissin' wherever you stand! (starts laughing)

Zeke: Nothing like pissin' wherever you sit would be more accurate in this case.

Zed: Yeah! (keeps laughing)

Zeke: Right where you sit.

Zed: Right! (still laughing, then realizing what Zeke just said) Right where I... sit (hops up quickly) What?

Zeke: You kept wanting to know what I do out here...

Zed: (pause, he's wiping off his butt, smelling his hands, he smells no urine) Ohhhhhh!! Haha! That was another good one! Man, I guess I didn't know you were so funny...

Zeke: Well...

Zed: Always had you pegged as a real quiet type; but you're real funny too.

Zeke: I guess I can be both.

Zed: (long pause) Oh, hey! Did ya hear the news this afternoon?

Zeke: Nope. I was out here.

Zed: Police in town found a fourth woman, all stabbed up bad...

Zeke: A fourth one?

Zed: Yeah. She been dead only a day or two.

Zeke: Where was she?

Zed: Dumpster back of the steak house.

Zeke: The steak house?

Zed: Yeah...

Zeke: The bakery, you mean.

Zed: Pretty sure it was the steak house.

Zeke: Yeah, o.k. Right.

Zed: Four women killed in one month? That's pretty crazy for a town that size?

Zeke: Does seem like a lot.

Zed: You figure a sensible killer wouldn't do more than... maybe two a month.

Zeke: I guess some killers just ain't too sensible; are they, Zed?

Zed: (pause) They found one of the women out here, didn't they?

Zeke: About a half-mile that way.

Zed: Creepy! Tht's why I brought some protection. (he pulls out a large knife)

Zeke: That's a big knife, Zed.

Zed: Well, in case I have a run-in with this woman-killer guy.

Zeke: How do you know it's a guy?

Zed: Trust me, I know. How'd you know it was behind the bakery?

Zeke: That's what I heard.

Zed: (pause) Shame... you stting out here all alone, all peaceful; this freak come by and stab you to death.

Zeke: (standing slowly, eyes on Zeke) That would be bad, but I brought along my own protection. (pulls out a large knife)

Zed: That's a big knife, Zeke.

Zeke: I guess it is. (they are brandishing the knives at each other, but trying to look like they actually aren't)

Zed: Pity about those four women, huh?

Zeke: Yep... and don't forget the guy that got killed too...

Zed: Yeah... heard about him, quiet guy, kept to himself a lot...

Zeke: No, I heard it was the type of guy who asked stupid questions and disturbed other people's peace...

(they are stuck, sort-of brandishing their knives at each other, lights do a quick, five-step sunset, then immediately a five-step sunrise, Zeke and Zed are still standing there, they have been all night, they are holding their respective positions much more sleepily, their voices are hoarse, they've been negotiating all night long)

Zed: O.K. We're agreed then... you get the east side of town for the next month, I get the west...

Zeke: Right, and we meet every two weeks to review progress, and figure out how to avoid patterns.

Zed: Right. Now, we slowly back away on three; (overlap with Zeke) one... two... three

Zeke: One... two... three

(and they slowly back away, knives drawn, eyes on each other the whole way, lights out)


1 comment:

Brendon Etter said...

August 27, 2006: Update!! New and Improved! Now featuring almost 5% more lines! One line edited! Wow!