January 10, 2012

What Do Atheists Do All Day?

Possibility #1 - Pray to their ungod to conceal himself in the most obtuse and far-fetched way possible so the atheists can cite this as proof that he obviously is not there.

Possibility #2 - Watch TV.

Possibility #3 - Meet in secular dens to plot how to beat Jesus in ping-pong; as it is written in the final chapter of the Atheist Lible: The Book of Recreations.

Possibility #4 - Kill themselves because of the stark lack of meaning in their lives.

Possibility #5 - Just run around, fucking everything.

Possibility #6 - Lurk.

Possibility #7 - Believe in the miracle of double-blind, controlled, replicable, peer-reviewed research.

Possibility #8 - Joyfully lift their voices upward, but not too high.

Possibility #9 - Find their unique purpose in helpfully canned structures and rituals.

Possibility #10 - Skulk.

Possibility #11 - Continuously deny the existence of a supreme being because they're a bunch of grumpybutts.

Possibility #12 - Abandon their families at the first sign of trouble.

Possibility #13 - Argue for preferential treatment of sociopaths, criminals and politicians who have not found God.

Possibility #14 - Have a hard time texting "OMG!"

Possibility #15 - Bug their physician to refer them to the top soulectomist in their provider network.

Possibility #16 - Invade other countries that refuse to not believe properly.