January 18, 2012

How to Suffer with Dignity

1 - Point out how much less dignity other sufferers are displaying.

2 - Pose for more stately portraits than you typically would.

3 - Hold a child's hand serenely during a quiet sunset. Make sure your professional photographer is ready.

4 -  Survey friends and family about how they can better support you. Release results at press conference.

5 - Rewrite your will to include as many cute animals as possible.

6 - Steadfastly refuse to go to a strip club everyday.

7 - Entitle your autobiography: "I Have Suffered, But With Dignity."

8 - Stab dignity  in the stomach  Let dignity do the same to you. Insist on sharing a hospital room afterward.

9 - Remind everyone that perpetual self pity, crying, lashing out, blaming loved ones, and screaming at nurses are key steps toward your goal of world peace.

10 - Entitle your self-help book: "Suffering Your Way To Dignity!"

11 - Communicate with the world using only a carrier pigeon dressed in a tuxedo.

12 - Insist on living out your final days surrounded by the friends and family you tolerate best.

13 - Assign guilt for your suffering, but only through proper legal channels.