January 31, 2012

"A (insert character here) Walks Into A Bar" - Jokes Of Questionable Merit

An asshole walks into a bar and rips the place to shit.

A Hitler impersonator walks into a bar and is beaten by people pretending to be various scapegoats of geopolitical insecurity.

A chicken walks into a bar after successfully crossing the road outside.

A bar walks into a bar, and no one notices.

A joke set-up walks into a bar too obviously, thus undermining laughter's key psychological motivation.

A hippopotamus walks into a bar through the freight doors in the back.

A jerk walks into a bar, but this happens far too often to be amusing.

A fan of Phish walks into a bar, and people become slightly uncomfortable.

A tennis racket walks into a bar and asks if it can get some service.

A poop walks into a bar, and the little children laugh.

A stereotype walks into a bar and says something but people are not listening to the content of its message.

A Baptist minister and a Mormon walk into a bar because they enjoy feeling self-righteous.

A sex-positive porn actress walks into a bar and, well, it wasn't a "bar," more bar-shaped, and "walks" is used in a euphemistic sense.  They key word here is "into."  Plus, there was a film crew.

A cliffhanger walks into a bar...

A ghost walks into a bar.  It's sad because he was an alcoholic when he was alive.

A pathetic philosopher walks into a bar, or does the bar walk into him?

A group of twenty-eight people walks into a bar and order twenty-eight beers but there's only enough beer for twenty-seven; so they kill the guy no one liked that much anyway.

A feeling of poorly-timed deja vu walks into a bar; it has no idea that it almost had a sense that it had been there before even though it hadn't.

A virgin, a hooker, a seal and the President of the United States walk into a bar, and they wait for the joke to write itself.

A bartender walks into a bar.  She will work there for the next six hours.

A paradox gets closer and closer but never quite walks into a bar.

A man jumping a shark walks into a bar.  He's cool but desperate to recapture fading glory.

A Chinese cooking pan walks into a bar.

A very bad comedian walks into a bar, the one just a couple blocks from here, I think it's called The Spot, or Eddie's Spot... no, Eddie's Spot closed last year.  And he goes, uhhh... where does he go?  No!  No!  I got it... he says, says not goes, he says, and this is the funny part.  What he says.  It's great!  He says... uhhh, what was it?  Oh yeah!  He says something like, and I don't know if this is exactly what said, but it's close.  He says, "I would never walk into a bar and serve me!"  Get it?  Oh, wait... no, that's not quite right.  Uhhh... O.K.!  O.K.  Now I remember, he says - again don't quote me on this because it's just a joke - he says, he says, he says... " I would never go to a bar that would serve me!"  That's a joke! A joke! I hope you understood it. I love that one.

A futurist walks into a bar.  Within the next ten years, she will fly her car into that bar.

A camouflaged appliance walks into a bar and blends in.

A pair of beautiful breasts walk into a bar and get all the free drinks they want, but, cruelly, they have no mouth with which to drink them.

A subconscious, universal fear walks into a bar, and suddenly it's not funny anymore.

A God walks into a bar, and says, "See? I told you there were more than one."

A boy walks into a bar, and he leaves it a man. Or so he claims.

A drunk man walks into a bar that he had just left, but he doesn't realize it.  He's really, really drunk.

A metronome walks into a bar just in time.

An extrovert walks into a bar and just has to make sure that every-every-everyone! knows she's there.

An existential poem walks into a bar. It dies.

A grieving widow walks into a bar, and the bartender gives her a free drink. (But that's the last one, thinks the bartender, because she's been milking this dead husband shtick for two years now.) 

An anagram was ration balk.

A sense of situational irony walks into a bar located in a church basement.

A God doesn't walk into a bar, because there is no God.

An elephant walks into a bar, but he forgot to put on his shirt and shoes and is politely asked to leave.  The elephant apologizes and complies.

A teenage girl from Kansas walks into a bar wearing ruby slippers. She has an ozsome time.

A bout of forgetfulness walks? Into a bar?

A bullshit walks into a bar; a money talks into a bar.

A grizzled old caretaker walks into a bar, and he would've succeeded too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.

A moving sidewalk walks into a bar for you.

A wise guy walks into a bar, see?!

A Google walks into a bar.  It knows everyone's name.  Everyone's address.  Everyone's shoe size.  Everyone's list of bad "Walks Into A Bar" jokes.

A 1960's Batman walks into a bar. (BIFF!) (POW!) (WHACK!)

A man with a huge name tag on his shirt walks into a bar, because he feels like everyone knows him there.

A beer walks into a bar.  It is senselessly slaughtered.

A joke about walking into a bar walks into a bar and walks right into that one.

A single tear walks into a bar, the dramatic music rises as the lights dim.

A fish walks into a bar like a fish needs a bicycle, which is absurd because the fish already walked to the bar, so why would it need a bicycle?  Other than for going home, I mean.

A tornado walks into a bar.  It is a very small tornado, but, nonetheless, some patrons are not pleased. 

A murder mystery walks into a bar.  Or does it? (dun-dun-Dunnnnn!)

A premature ejaculation walks into a.... crap.

A guilt trip walks into a bar and hopes everyone realizes how much they've hurt it.

A workplace efficiency consultant walks into a bar.  Naturally, he is a complete asshole. 

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