1 - A man walks into a strip club and orders a piece of bacon which he then eats with a spoon. The bartender asks him why he's eating bacon with a spoon. The man angrily replies, "Why is a strip club serving bacon at the bar?!"
2 - A kitten is stuck in a tree. A Good Samaritan comes along and asks the kitten why it's in the tree. The kitten says "It was a personal goal. I just needed to see if I could do it. You know?" The Samaritan does know. He's glad to have had this brief interaction with a motivational feline.
3 - A naked man enters an elevator filled with six obviously pregnant women. The elevator gets stuck between the seventh and eighth floors. The naked man tells the women that he knows how to pass the time until their rescue: He asks each women about their hopes for their children; because he believes that children are the future. The women all share this sentiment. They become close friends. One of them even names her baby after the man. (His name was Lawrence.)
4 - A teenage girl is buying condoms at a drug store. The pharmacist asks her if she knows how to use condoms. She does not; she thought she was buying plastic gloves. She can't believe she did that.
5 - A young married couple is camping in a very remote location. A bear with an erection pays them a late night visit. The wife notices that the bear seems to be trying to have sex with a tree. She films it, and posts it to YouTube. It gets 300 million views in one week.
6 - A businessman is out for an early morning run when he sees a naked woman running madly on the opposite sidewalk. Her long hair is on fire. The man laughs because he is a huge asshole.
7 - A distraught woman, her romantic dreams and hopes destroyed, jumps from a high building. Halfway down, a magical fairy appears and tells her that she'll grant the woman three wishes. The woman says, "Let there be a great, handsome man on the sidewalk to catch me." The magical fairy adds, "I meant more like easy wishes. I'm new at this."
8 - The teacher is talking about rockets. Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Johnny, you have a question?" Johnny asks, "Can you fit a rocket in your pocket?" The teacher's face flushes, "No, Johnny, a rocket is too big." Johnny replies, "And it rhymes with 'pocket!'" Many of Johnny's classmates agree. A couple of them giggle, but they don't know why. They are quite young.
9 - How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to screw in the light bulb, the other to let the first hooker sit on her shoulders. The ceiling is over eight feet high.
