July 22, 2008

Brendon Etter Wonders Why the Other Mayoral Candidates Seem to Love Terrorism

I am posing an open question to the other mayoral candidates:

Exactly how much do you love terrorism?

This campaign is already a week old, plenty of time for each of Northfield's other mayoral candidates to disavow any affection for terrorism, but what have we heard so far?



That scares me. It should scare you.

Do we really want Northfield's next mayor to be silent on protecting us from terrorism?

I don't. I am the only candidate who has bravely stepped forward and said I hate terrorism.

And I don't just mean "hate" as in hating something, I mean "hate" as in "hate-hate".

Where have the other candidates been? No one knows, but they certainly don't seem to be publicly hate-hating terrorism like me.

So, I am giving them their chance here.

Exactly how much do you love terrorism?

The process is simple - answer the question here using a standard Likert scale with responses ranging from "a little" to "heaps and heaps".

If the public doesn't hear from you in the next few days on this site, then I guess we'll all know for sure where you stand.


Unknown said...

It seems the other candidates are ignoring the terrorism in their own back yard! How cowardly! If you're not against the terrorists, you're for the terrorists!

Really, if they want to end terrorism, they need to attack your campaign.

Brendon Etter said...

No, no, no! They need to attack their own campaigns, apparently.

Anonymous said...

I hate to question your integrity on the point of terrorism, but someone mentioned to me that you are a big fan of Trogdor, and isn't he the biggest terrorist ever? Is burninating something you advocate in your campaign? And what about the rumors about some teen girl squad... the attraction to so-and-so or what's her face is really unbecoming a mayoral candidate. And I also heard that a few years ago, a 10-year old girl beat your score at Crystal Quest. Now how will you protect us from terrorists if a 10-year old girl can beat you at Crystal Quest?

Brendon Etter said...

I only wish that burnination were safe, legal and rare.

As for the Teen Girl Squad, I am friends with them on a casual basis, but I do not support their more dangerous habits eating staple sauce or hang gliding with former Presidents. I hope they can mend their ways as they mature. I'm working with my friends, Quarterback and Brett Bretterson, to bring them around.

I scoff at the rumor of a 10-year old girl beating me a Crystal Quest! As I think it's been widely proven by respected number scientists (in both numberology and countingism), '10' is not even a real number.

Anonymous said...

Isn't graffiti a form of terrorism? If they aren't at least slightly annoyed, or mildly agitated at the new decorations in Northfield, then they are obviously supplying paint to kids in Northfield and North Korea.

Brendon Etter said...

Hard to say, Andy. Graffiti could be considered terrorism, unless I agree with it. Then it's called advertising.

Now go back to worshiping Bugs Bunny, possible traitor!

Anonymous said...

Traitor? No, it's just a matter of politics.