July 15, 2008

Brendon Etter Suspends His Mayoral Campaign

Citing "campaign exhaustion," local man, Brendon Etter, suspended his Northfield mayoral write-in campaign.

Sources close to the very sexy candidate have said that the intense pressure and bitter political climate in town have taken a physical toll on his well-sculpted, almost-stunning body.

"I knew when I threw my hat in the ring at noon today that the constant stress of a mayoral campaign could be detrimental to me, my family and my hot, trendy coterie of sycophantic hangers-on. We have weathered many storms in the past eleven hours and forty-five minutes, but I must recognize that enough is enough. I have a duty to myself and my personal attendants." stated Etter from poolside at his spa retreat in the southern Caucasus Mountains.

When pressured by reporters, Etter was quick to note that he will still serve as mayor if elected as a write-in candidate.

"Certainly, I would serve, if that were the case. I can't let down my fans or constituents. I'm simply saying that I'm done campaigning. It wears you out."

Etter then retreated to his heavily-guarded cabana; a golden glint off his well-muscled back causing the media to sigh for the possible photo opportunities his candidacy would surely have provided. Most of them for free.


Christopher Tassava said...

Boy, talk about a bit letdown. This is the most excited and then disappointed I've been since that time you said you were going to give me the Powerball-winning lottery ticket, but it turned out to be a muddy Blue Monday receipt.

Brendon Etter said...

You misunderstood, my friend, I said I would give you a "powerful, winsome latte ticket." That's what you got.

Stay tuned here for more inspiring news.

Unknown said...

how can a stud like that leave just when it was hot

Brendon Etter said...

No idea, n. (if that is your real name), but it should be noted, the stud is back in the swing of things now. Studding up the campaign trail.

Onward, brave stud!