September 23, 2006

A Play A Day #163

Like A Simile


Setting: The mall, or some equally delightful commercial site.

Wendy: Like, it was so, like, he didn't care? Like, like, I wanted him to, and, like, it just wasn't like real, ya know?

Tiff: Wendy, I so, like, told you that this would, like, happen to you with, like, a guy like that. I, like, totally, warned you like days ago?

W: Like, I know that, Tiff, but, like, it was , like, something, I had to, like, figure.... out? like, for myself?

T: Yeah, I guess, like, that's, like, true? Like those, like, capri pants you, like, bought? like, this summer?

W: Like, no way are you bringing that up right now? That's, like, so mean? I'm, like, breaking up with my, like, boyfriend over here, and, you're all, like, what about those, like, ugly capri pants?

T: I know, I'm, like, so mean!

W: Yeah, you're, like, the meanest, like, best friend I have, like.... now?

T: So, like, are you going to, like, do it? Or are we just, like, going to, like, talk about it? like, all day? You know?

W: Like, hold back, Tiff, it's, like, not nice to, like, push me? about this, like, trauma, like, really hard? because it's, like, so potentially traumatic?

T: Hey, like, I'm totally not, like, pushing or anything 'cuz, like, I know how like, traumatic it must be? You two have been, like, such soul mates and, like, stuff? for the past, like, month and a half? It's hard, like, I know 'cuz, like, Ricky was my, like, soul mate so much through, like, most of the first quarter, like, freshman year? It, like, totally, like, crushed me when he started dating, like, other cheerleaders?

W: You, like, totally understand me, like, it's no wonder we're, like, totally, like psychic, like, sisters or whatever? We, like, never can, like, separate!

T: That's so, like, awesomely, like, true?

W: Alright, you, like, have totally, like, inspired? me. I'm so going to, like, break up with him. Like you're such my best friend? you, like, help so, like, much? when I have these, like, major life, like, crisis, like, issues and things?

T: Well, you need to, like, assert? yourself? in these, like, things and stuff; so, like, that's, like, so totally what friends, like, are there for?

W: Hey, like, look who's coming. It's like, Like.

T: Totally it is, like, Like? Like, Like is, like, the coolest? like, girl, like, ever!

W: And I, like, totally, like, love, like, her name?

(enter Like)

Like: Wendy! Tiff! Ohmigod! I, like, totally, never thought, like, I'd see you at, like, the mall? together. That's, like, awesome!

T: Like! Ohmigod! Like, Like, like, where did you get that, like, top? That's, like, the cutest, like, blouse, like ever?

W: Totally, Like; it's like, the cutest, like totally, like, awesome top, Like!

L: Oh! Like, you two, are, like, so, like, sweet? to, like say so. I bought it at, like, Fashion Whore?

T: Ohmigod! I, like, love that store, like, so much! I, like, totally want to, like, date? that store!

L: I know, it's, like, got the hottest, like, clothes? in the whole, like, mall.

W: For the like, Fashion Whore in, like, all of us! Like, you, like, always, like, find? the, like, best clothes?

T: Totally, like, Like, how do you, like, do that?

L: Oh! Like, it's totally, like, easy? you just have to, like, come? to the, like, mall, every day? and keep, like, an eye? on what's coming in?

W: Awesome? I'm, like, totally, going to, like have? more time to, like, dedicate? to the, like, mall now too.

T: Yeah, you totally will.

L: Like, why? is that?

T: She's, like, totally, like, breaking up with, like, Erik?

L: Ohmigod! He's, like, so much, like, your, like, soul mate? I mean, like, you tow have, like, totally been, like, together? like thirty-five, like, forty, like, days?

W: Like, try, like, forty-two, Like!

L: Ohmigod, you're totally, like, breaking up with, like, your boyfriend on, like, your monthandahalfiversary?

T: She, like, totally is, Like!

W: PLease Like, like, don't, like, tell? anyone. I want, like, Erik? to, like, be, the, like, first to, like, know? about this, like, Like? Like, okay?

L: I will, like, totally, not, like, tell? anyone.

W: Great, Like, like, I'm, like, really, like, not, like, worried? like, about, like, you, Like.

L: You're, like, the sweetest, like, best, like, friend? I've, like, ever had.

T: Like, you are too, Like.

L: Like, ahhhh..... (as in "that's so sweet")

W: (pulling out cell phone, pause, talking) Hello, Erik? It's, like, me? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Like, uh-huh. Uh-huh? Uh-huh? No? Like yes? Totally. Listen, Erik? I, like, am, like, breaking up? with you? Okay. Like, great. See you around! Love you. Bye. (quickly puts her cell phone away)


T: (hugging W) Ohhh... like, you are, like, so, like, brave?

L: (hugging her too) That was, like, so, like, beautiful. We should, like, shop together now.

W: Totally, I'm, like, so stressed? right now. Let's, like, totally, go to, like, Fashion Whore, and, like, Tiff and me will, like, totally, like, buy? that same top.

T: Wow! That's, like, the best idea... ever! And you're, like, still in shock from that whole, like, boyfriend catastrophe you just, like, went through? and you, like, totally managed to, like, think of your friends and shopping, like, first?

(they start walking off, they stop)

L: Ohmigod, like, look who's, like, walking? over here?

T: It's, like, Abby?

W: Like what is she, like, wearing?

(Abby enters, she is wearing essentially the same top as Like is wearing)

W: Abby!! Yay!! Like, it's, like, so awesome to, like, see you here!

L: Ohmigod! We were, like, just talking about you!

T: We totally were, Ab! Like, that is, like, the cutest top ever!

W: It, like, totally is.

A: Ohhh! You guys are, as, the, as, cutest and, as, bestest friends!

L: We, like, were just like, going? to Fashion Whore? Like, you want to, like, come too?

A: As, that would, as, be, as, super? if I, as, didn't have to, as, find my, as, sister and, as, her friend?

W: That's like, so, like, sucky? You should, totally, call me, like, sometime?

L: And, like, then Wendy, will, like, call Tiff and, like, me, and we could, like, do something? or something.

A: That would be, as, awesome, as, totally! Sorry, as, I, as, gotta, as, shoot? to the, as, food court?

T: Totally, we'll, like, see? you, like, around.

W: Yeah! Like, that will be, like, the greatest, like, time?

A: As, fabulous! I, as, gotta run. As, see, you three, as, at school?

L: Like, totally, we will. Like, good-bye, Abby.

(Abby hurries off, the other three continue off in the direction they were heading before Abby came on stage, shaking their heads, lights fade as they exit)

W: Does she, like, not know, like, how, like, stupid? she sounds, like, talking like that?

L: I think, she, like, doesn't even, like, realize it?

T: That's, like, so sad? We should, like, help her? or something.

L: No way, like, did you not, like, see? that blouse? she was, like, wearing?

(lights out)


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