Status Report: Taking Over The World

Goal
Subjugation of all peoples.

Accomplished to date
Subjugation of Al Peeples, 54, of Sandusky, Ohio.

Action Plan
Continue to work on the remainder of the Peeples family: Stacy, 49, (wife); Al, Jr., 24, (son); Alison, 20, (daughter); Molly, 15, (daughter); and Giggles, 4, (cat). Rapidly spring forward from this base of subjugation to more hastily, but thoroughly, subjugate all other peoples.



Goal
Control world's supply of uranium.

Accomplished to date
Recently came into possession of an abnormally large amount of tin.

Action Plan
Construct large tin shed, pump the B-52's party anthem "Love Shack" so loudly as to attract the attention of uranium-wielding dictators of the world who I will chauffeur in my Chrysler which is as big as a whale, seats about twenty.



Goal
Tunnel to center of the world, set up massive tectonic control center to single-handedly manipulate the movements of the planet's upper crust.

Accomplished to date
Rented a Bobcat mini-excavator from Home Depot.

Action Plan
Dig like crazy. The Bobcat is due back on Sunday, or I pay an additional $100 per day late fee.



Goal
Round up all fauna: of the air, of the sea, of the land. Lead all to massive reserve in the Canadian Arctic.

Accomplished to date
This one is not going well at all. Canadian government has denied my attempt to purchase "useless" northern territories. Also, there have been some serious, unforeseen species compatibility issues: for example, the lions seem to view the penguins as slow-moving, wobbly steaks.

Action Plan
Need more fencing. Consider approaching Russia with offer to purchase most of its unnecessary outer regions. Teach penguins judo.