June 19, 2007

Thank You, Anonymous E-mail Message, For Your Concern About The Size Of My Love Rocket

Dear Sender of Anonymous E-mail Message,

I wish I could know exactly who you are; my attempts to reply to your altruistic missive were rebuffed. (Perhaps the problem is on your end? Would you please check to make sure you aren't filtering out my messages?)
Regardless, before receiving your thoughtful, well-worded letter, I must confess that I failed to realize the serious nature of my love rocket problem.

To think that my lovely wife of fifteen years might stray because of my love rocket's underperformance in the field was shocking to say the least. I had thought she was content; now, as you have somehow divined, I realize that I was deluding myself. This love rocket issue may be hard to attack, but attack it I shall.

I am writing here to let you know that I have taken your concerns very much to heart. In addition to buying the low-cost and reputable pills, manuals and apparati to which you directed me, I am also taking the following steps to address my, heretofore unknown, love rocket size issues.

1. Scrapping plans for future deployment of love rocket until design deficiencies are thoroughly examined in committee.

2. Love rocket focus groups will be given opportunity to offer extensive commentary on what aspects of love rocket design and use they find most satisfying as consumers.

3. Rigorous prototype testing of any changes in propulsion, stability, maneuverability and ballistics to be carried out by teams of love rocket scientists.

4. All testing will be filmed for subsequent review by additional experts in love rocket deployment. Feedback given will be incorporated into additional testing of all possible permutations of love rocket improvements.

5. Hands-on public demonstrations of love rocket improvements at local malls, college frat houses and hotel suites. Consumers of the improved love rocket will be allowed to file comments on their experiences with the new product.

6. Additional fine-tuning of love rocket design, operability and user interface based on consumer feedback.

7. Final round of self and expert testing of love rocket functionality.

8. Love rocket ready for public, commercial use.

Thank you for starting me on the road to improved love rocket implementation. I only wish you were here so I could offer you a truly huge demonstration of my gratitude.

All My Best,
Brendon Etter
Northfield, MN


Anonymous said...

So now where is it one should send feedback?


Hick Chick Cynic said...

OMG. That was hilarious! Do you really write a play a day? ~connie

Brendon Etter said...

DID write a play a day; they are all right here on this blog. 366 plays. April 14, 2006 to April 14, 2007. Average about 4 and half pages per play.

Look through the archives on the right to read. They are all numbered, about 1600 pages all together.

Do you really play in a blugrass band and teach junior high english and history?

Tough gigs.

Brendon Etter said...

By the way, thanks for the nice comment, Connie. I aim to please.