What I Said to the Kids Blasting Led Zeppelin in a Local Public Park

1. "No way! Finally! Someone has rescued Zep from obscurity!"

2. "Did you know that listening to Led Zeppelin is linked to strange men approaching you in local public parks and stabbing you in the head?"

3. "Do you guys have any good heroin? The stuff the 8th graders sold me just ain't working."

4. Nothing; we just did air guitar licks for, like, five or six hours, man.

5. "Hey! Have you guys ever heard that one song: 'Staircase to Heaven'?"

6. "Gentlemen, my name is Brendon Etter, prosecuting attorney under retainer for the Recording Industry Association of America. Were you aware that playing music above a certain volume in a public setting constitutes an unlicensed performance subject to up to three years in prison and a fine of not less than $10,000?"

7. "You guys want to see what I have under this trench coat?"

8. "Turn it down, you damn hippies!"

9. "I appreciate the risk you teens are taking in loudly blaring the energetic new music of your generation."

10. "How much for your little sister?"

11. "But don't you realize that they've misspelled 'Lead'?"

12. "Children, this is simply gateway heavy metal; soon you'll be listening to Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden, then, I fear, it will be too late for you all."

13. "Dude, I don't know where you guys have been; I've been listening to Zep for, like, over a year already."

14. "Wanna get high and break shit?"