June 11, 2007

Swearing in a Positive Manner

Dear reader, just because you have a foul mouth, doesn't mean you have to be rude. Here are some suggestions for keeping your invective motivating and polite.

1. Kindly go to hell.

2. We must consider the possibility that you are an asshole.

3. Thank you for being a mutherfucker.

4. Son / Daughter / Offspring of a bitch. (use inclusive or gender-neutral phrasing)

5. If it's not too much trouble, could you perhaps find some time in the not-too-distant future to fuck off?

6. Wow! You have really impressed me today with your proficient bastardness.

7. What a fabulous cocksucker you are.

8. You delightful, self-employed, sexual-intercourse entrepreneur.

9. Despite the fact that you have shit-for-brains, none of it seems to be leaking from your mouth, ears or nose.

10. You are so close to sucking so much less.

11. Please understand that, although I am flipping you the bird, the bird I am flipping you is none other than the majestic, soaring eagle.

12. Fuck you please.


2 comments:

jacob said...

please vacate the premisis, so that I may stop vomiting.

I dislike you much like Brutus disliked Ceaser.

There are no words in any language to deescribe how much you fail at being a homo sapian.

After much deliberation, I have determined that you are a Fucking Douchebag.

jacob said...

Sir, if I may, shut the fuck up.