Are you real? How do you know? Philosophers tell us it is impossible to determine; therefore, I thought it may be advantageous to provide some clues to help you proove that you don't exist. If you can't satisfy any of these conditions, then you probably exist! Or maybe you are in some heretofore unknown third state that is neither existence or non-existence. Well, regardless, here are the signs that you don't exist.
1. You are not reading this word right............. now!
2. When you stand in front of the mirror, all you see is a big, fat, ugly, loser nobody
3. When you stab yourself in the eye with a very large, very sharp knife, it just passes right through, hitting nothing. (Note: Please try this before moving on to the next sign.)
4. You were not invited to Jenny's birthday party.
5. People don't talk to you any more, especially the ones you buried in your basement crawlspace.
6. Sometimes you just feel a little "un", you know?
7. When you dream, you dream of nothing, because you can't dream, because you aren't there to dream.
8. You're hiding, and no one can see you! Awesome!
9. You are in junior high.