June 7, 2007

Alternative WWJDs

What Would Jesus Drink?

1. Mountain (What-Would-Jesus) Dew
2. Actual dew from an actual mountain
3. Mai Tai


What Would Jesus Defenestrate?

1. A poorly-constructed raspberry torte
2. His life-sized model of Jar Jar Binks
3. The evidence


What Would Jesus Dance?

1. The Tarantella
2. The Tango
3. The Robot


What Would Jesus Decorate?

1. His pantry
2. Your soul
3. The cross


What Would Jesus Decry?

1. The moneychangers
2. The Phantom Menace
3. The absence of a paper umbrella in his latest Mai Tai


What Would Jesus Dominate?

1. Most spelling bees
2. The world of Ultimate Fighting
3. The 47-event Christathalon at the 2012 Summer Olympics


What Would Jesus Drive?

1. The beasts of the land before him
2. VW Beetle
3. The Lordmobile RX3:16


What Would Jesus Deter?

1. World wide war
2. Juvenile delinquency
3. Embarrassing static cling


What Would Jesus Doubt?

1. Your claim that you love him for who he is, not for what you think he can get you
2. Some beliefs held by post-structuralists
3. FOX News

10 comments:

Elizabeth said...

What would Jesus damn?

1. it
2. Yankees
3. the axis of good
4. [I know I'm supposed to stop at three, but there are just so many things worthy of Jesus' damnation]
5. bad drivers
6. bad preachers
7. people who think they're good drivers or good preachers
8. axe-wielding clowns
9. axe-concealing clowns
10. the dinosaurs (you know, for leaving behind all those fossils to trick people into believing in evolution)
11. my ex-boyfriend

Bleeet said...

Nice! Way to go, Elizabeth! Axe-concealing clowns, me likey.

Actually, Jesus, your ex-boyfriend and I were all hanging out at Hooters last night, and, though there was a bit of a stand-off over who got the lion's share of the hot wings, Jesus, on the whole, seemed pretty cool with the guy. Sorry to report.

Anonymous said...

Dang. I guess the Bible was right in its characterization of Jesus as someone who keeps company with the worst sinners.

-Elizabeth

Bleeet said...

Jesus is his own man. He doesn't judge people the same way you and I might. In my experience, he hangs out with whomever can get him SuperNachos (with shredded chicken - Jesus loves him some shredded chicken).

Jessica said...

Somehow I can't see the ex-boyfriend in question eating hot wings...

Elizabeth/Penelope said...

You're right, Jess, that he normally wouldn't eat hot wings. But perhaps Jesus convinced him.

(Bleeet, if you're wondering how Jess and I know each other, go to her blog and read comment #7.)

Bleeet said...

Ohhh... I'm on to you Elizalope...

Cunning trickster... you are almost as bad as that Rowe girl...

Elizalope said...

Ooh, what did Die Frau do to you that was cunning, tricky, nefarious, etc.? Do tell! I haven't talked with her in ages. (J.R.--if you're reading this: HIIII! And I miss you!)

David said...

What would Jesus drop?
1. Ugly, ugly babies.
2. it like it's hot.
3. Maybe 5-10 pounds, he's getting kinda pudgy.

jacob said...

What Would Jesus Drug?
1. The Punch.
2. Those meddling kids.
3. Your mom.