How Can I Suck More?

I'm often asked: "Brendon, you suck; how can I suck more like you?"

Thanks for the question! Find below my advice for increasing your Level of Suck (LOS in the technical literature) to new heights.


1. Believe in yourself! You have to believe that you can suck, or you'll suck at sucking.

2. Practice, practice, practice! Young kids want to just wake up one day and suck like the pros; forgetting that we pros have been working diligently at sucking our entire lives. Sucking is like anything else: the harder you work at it, the more you suck.

3. Suck in a distinctive manner. It's all well and good to suck just like everyone else, but how do you expect anyone to notice your sucking? You'll just blend in with the rest of the suck. You have to suck in a way that is all your own!

4. Read up on sucking. I cannot stress enough how rare it is to find someone who can just suck naturally. Building a solid background in sucking through the literature helps contextualize your sucking in solid theory and best practices.

5. Open up your sucking to constructive criticism. From time to time, ask those around you: How am I sucking?

6. Keep it fresh! Experiment with sucking in a slightly different way than how you might have sucked previously. It's too easy to let your sucking fall into a rut, and that sucks.

7. Suck in the details. Everyone can suck in the broad sense, but those who really excel at sucking know how to pay attention to sucking at all the little things.

8. Finally: It's not enough to just talk about sucking; get out there and do it!