September 15, 2007

David Mamet's Children's Book Titles

1. You Ain't A Half-Fucking Bad Man, Charlie Brown

2. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Fucked Up Day

3. Where the Fuck Is Waldo?

4. Horton Hears a Who-the-Fuck-Are-You?

5. Go, Dog! Alright?! Just Fucking Go.

6. One Fish, Two Fish, blah blah blah...

7. Let's Just Say the Caterpillar Was Extremely Fucking Hungry

8. Where the Sidewalk Ends Due to Corruption in City Hall

9. Holes. Assholes.

10. Are You My Motherfucker?

11. The Little Engine That Could Fuck You Up

12. Fucks 'n Sucks

13. Mr. Brown Can Moo, and You Probably Can't 'Cause You're Shit, Shit.

14. Furious George

15. The Runaway Bunny Never Saw the Truck Coming

16. There's a Wocket in the Socket!

17. Green Eggs and Ham and Whiskey

18. Smack the Bunny

19. The Giving Tree Thinks It Might Be Taking Time

20. Hop on Pop. Now. Again... Harder.

21. Harry Potter and the Fucking Shit


Christopher Tassava said...

How the hell did I miss this great list? It's going to make reading stories to my girls at bedtime a *lot* harder.

22. The Berenstain Bears: Trouble with the Fucking Cops

23. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What the Fuck Do You See?

24. Richard Scarry's Too Fucking Busy Day

Brendon Etter said...

Oh man, Chris, those are awesome additions! All three of them are hilarious; wish I'd thought of them.

How about:

25. Goddammit Moon

26. On The Day You Were Born, Shithead

27. Mr. Brown Can Moo, What The Fuck Can You Do?

28. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Dead Whore's Half-Eaten Corpse

Anonymous said...

29. Where the Wild Fucking things are

30. Owen, put the blanket down, blankets are for closers

31. A Series of Fucked up Events

32. Charlotte's Fucking Web

33. Alexander and the gestapo tactics

34. Junie B Jones, would you go to lunch

Brendon Etter said...

Ahh, Jerry, those are beautiful. Right in line with the script in many perfect ways. Thanks, man. I laughed. A lot.