July 18, 2010

Things Which I Must Stop Licking

1) Women, without their consent or proper spicing

2) The line, because I'm supposed to toe it

3) That open sore because it will probably just get infected, also it's on the neck of the President

4) Sharks, the mouths and (possibly) the anuses thereof

5) Improperly spelled words before painting tongue with Wite-Out

6) Other people's brains - either commit to zombism or don't, none of this sissified "Brains-Lite / Low-Calorie" approach

7) Toes, they may have been on the line... the filthy, filthy line

8) Escalators, despite the obvious benefits accruing to one from licking them

9) Crucifixes, especially before communion as "an appetizer from the Jesus buffet"

10) Timex watches, they actually aren't lying about their saliva-worthiness

11) Electrical outlets, even if they have a crispy, crunchy, chocolaty outer shell


Christopher Tassava said...

12. Little kids' lollipops.
13. Little kids.
14. Electric fences.
15. Barbed-wire fences.
16. Stolen-goods fences.
17. Your own nostrils.
18. Your own navel.
19. Your own earlobes.

Brendon Etter said...

You can't possibly be serious! Those all sound soooo good.