May 20, 2010

Brendon Etter's Glossary of Literary Terms

I'm certain that I will ace the test with my firm grasp of these terms from the written world.

1. Irony - Using tone, style and steam to deliberately wrinkle clothing.

2. Alliteration - Picking up, discarding or appropriately reusing previously unwanted words.

3. Iambic - An unstressed syllable followed by a dog food nugget.

4. Naturalism - Writing which you can just tell was done by a naked author.

5. Synecdoche - A literary device which metaphorically represents one of those Jewish churches.

6. Foot - What you write with if you want to be the subject of a sentimental personal portrait on the news.

7. Forensic Oratory - Using a rousing speech to force the killer to confess.

8. Gothic Novel - A book that really doesn't care if you read it or not. Whatever.

9. Hermeneutics - For unknown reasons, this is an important word to know when talking about writing. Now, you can use it too.

10. Leitmotif - A children's toy in which plastic pegs are placed within a lighted grid to create recurring phrases, repetitive imagery and pretty, pretty pictures.

11. Onomatopoeia - A word which means exactly what it sounds like it means.

12. Paranomasia - A psychological condition in which a writer uses the page as a canvas for futile anger, but the words, upon interpretation, mean nothing.

13. Soliloquy - Masturbation writ large.

14. Marxist Criticism - When someone named Marx makes fun of your writing.

15. Paralipsis - It is not necessary to define this because then you will define it.

16. Primitivism - To write a piece of literature on a large rock using smaller rocks.

17. Problem Play - A drama you don't like.

18. Cacophony - Using a fake Irish penis in your writing.

19. Assonance - The vague feeling that what you're reading is shit.

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