May 1, 2014

Life Hacks


Brendon addresses everyday problems with solutions so simple, intuitive, and absolutely necessary that you will gawp in awe at the feeble nature of your brain.

PROBLEM? Bananas are too hard to open
LIFE HACK! Using a spirit medium, contact the ghost of America's 11th President, James K. Polk

PROBLEM? Loose change weighs down your purse, wallet or pockets
LIFE HACK! Pretend you're stronger

PROBLEM? Sloppy toothpaste tubes
LIFE HACK! Remove your teeth

PROBLEM? The alphabet
LIFE HACK! Only use the easy letters

PROBLEM? Shoelaces break too often
LIFE HACK! Using a fax machine, contact James K. Polk (1-866-POLKSTA)

PROBLEM? Millions of hovering snakes with guns
LIFE HACK! Diplomacy

PROBLEM? Paper clips of different sizes intermingled in a single tray
LIFE HACK! Desk camera surveillance system to monitor for agitators

PROBLEM? Self-confidence
LIFE HACK! Rubber bands, rubber bands, rubber bands!

PROBLEM? Tomato sauce stains on your white shirt
LIFE HACK! Not caring

PROBLEM? Out of question marks
LIFE HACK! Punch an exclamation point in the gut

PROBLEM? Failing to crack the pop music charts
LIFE HACK! Polk again

PROBLEM? Many cords tangled together
LIFE HACK! Denial. Escape.

PROBLEM? Final dregs of mayonnaise hard to get out of the jar
LIFE HACK! Set up a top-notch exploratory committee to draft a resolution

LIFE HACK! Me or someone else, but probably me

PROBLEM? Matching socks after you take them out of the dryer
LIFE HACK! Encoded serial numbers on the toes read by optical scanner or your sudden death

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