July 18, 2013

Avoiding Death

Death will call on you many times. Be sure you have registered on your state's "Do Not Call" list.

Wear deathscreen.  DPF 30 or above, especially during the high-death hours of noon to noon.

Don't engage in activities which have been linked to death, like eating or breathing.

Stay in shape.  Suggested shape: vertical line segment.

Double your lifespan by forcing your children to accomplish what you did not.

Play dead.

Believe there's a blissful, painless, eternal life after this one, or at least a good hotel with a hot tub.

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