September 26, 2011

11 Things Involving My Shoe Which Probably Happened Last Month

1. My shoe was found in the vegetable crisper drawer in the refrigerator. It didn't know how it got there or why it wasn't at least wearing a scarf.

2. My shoe rejected the constraints placed upon it by a wickedly pro-lace society.

3. My shoe knew where my foot was going before my foot started to go there, and it was the other foot.

4. My shoe begged me to talk about its feelings, but it's fooled me with that one before.

5. My shoe did something about which it is not proud even as it blames me for doing it.

6. My shoe stole one of my dreams with a very large gun.

7. My shoe had "no comment" for the press.

8. My shoe pretended to have a head so it could pretend to have a headache so it could stay home and work on its blueprints.

9. My shoe complained about its "cruel and grotesque" working conditions.

10. My shoe had an unsatisfactory religious conversion.

11. My shoe claimed it never even saw the dog poop. Then it snickered.