December 15, 2008

Why Brendon Etter Is Only Able To Listen To The Hold Steady

Medical science has offered no definitive reason, though I paid the bastards enough (grrr sound, grrr sound), but I will venture a few guesses as to why I cannot stop listening to The Hold Steady.

1. The Hold Steady have laced their music with "eargluons" - subatomic music particles emitted from speakers which stick to your auditory passages and itch like hell unless vibrated at precisely the correct holdsteady frequency.

2. Nothing else to do because my friends are all dying or already dead.

3. Makes me feel good about my awkward physicality to listen to a band whose members are all uniformly uglier than me.

4. I'm trying to make The White Stripes jealous so Jack and Meg will play my birthday party.

5. Desperately hoping they'll eventually cover that awesome "Christmas Shoes" song.

6. I got bored when I didn't have a band, and I still don't, so I listen to one instead. It helps a little - now I'm bored but happy.

7. Presently unaware that any other music has ever been crafted by the human species.

8. I'm too jittery. Need constant exposure to learn how to Hold Steady.

9. I'm sure, like everything else in the Minneapolis / St. Paul metropolitan area, I get my name dropped in at least one of their songs. Must keep listening to hear it.

10. Also the name of my favorite hairspray.

11. Makes me think of beef jerky and cocaine. I love beef jerky and cocaine!


K and/or K said...

Did you know we are their biggest fans??? Love! Seriously, were we seperated at birth? Did you see them at First Ave?
--your little hood rat (cyber) friend

Brendon Etter said...

Yikes! You're a hoodrat? Careful how you advertise yourself...

No, I didn't see them at First Ave. I don't get up to the big burg for many shows. Busy with my silly plays and writing and acting and kids and such not... but my iTunes overfloweth with some 34,000 songs and ascending, if only they were all as good as The Hold Steady and The White Stripes. Music appreciation bubbles my brain. I cannot help myself.

I try to make it to see Lucinda whenever she rolls through, because she's my permitted affair. My wife gets Pierce Brosnan, and I get Lucinda Williams. Again - if only, if only.

"She said you remind me of Rod Stewart when he was young - you got passion and you think that you're sexy, and all the punks think that you're dumb."

Marie said...

let me know if the white stripes thing works out.

they are god's gift to hipsters.

and consequently, my absolute favorite.

Unknown said...

10. Are obsessive/compulsive and must repeat last action over and over to the annoyance of friends. Shit, that's me.

Unknown said...

11. Thinking of changing the blog to a new name to reflect the lack of posting.... a band's name comes to mind...

ShOI said...

Have you tried cocaine jerky? The texture of beef jerky, the euphoria of cocaine, and suitable for vegetarians.