August 28, 2007

Why Am I Clinically Depressed?

1. Because of something you did.

2. Used to own seven clinics; now I only own three.

3. Today's temperature a full two degrees below the forecast.

4. Because of something I did because of what you did.

5. Because I'm an ugly, stupid, lazy failure and nobody likes me except Jesus, and even he never writes any more.

6. Chemical imbalance in my brain caused by my membership in the Gourmet Brain Chemical of the Month Club.

7. Because of something I'm pretty sure you did.

8. Ineffective coaching on my son's T-ball team eleven years ago.

9. Because the League of Nations was a fundamentally good idea, and it must be given another chance.

10. Because I am trapped beneath the rubble of a recently-collapsed clinic.

11. Because of something you are.

12. Because I wanted chocolate chip, not chocolate, ice cream! You fucking idiot!

13. Because I'm not trying hard enough; with just a little more effort, I could be hospitally depressed.

14. Because of my inability to take responsibility for myself, which is your fault.

6 comments:

Henry said...

15. Because something you think that I think that you are because of what I am.

16. Republicans.

17. Democrats.

18. Because Scott Baio is no longer single.

ShOI said...

19. Because of something you will do.

20. Because I can't think of more reasons why I'm depressed.

MB said...

21. because my glasses broke,my phone wasn't working, i temporarily did not have internet access,i have pms and other female problems, i had a migraine, i got in a huge fight with on again off again guy and it's his birthday that i will not be spending with him (all true damnet!)and my prozac isn't strong enough to handle all that.

But thank you Brendon for making me laugh despite it all (and amen to all of the ones above that blame someone else...i.e. ex-"boyfriend"

Jim H. said...

22. Unbearable barometric pressure.

Bleeet said...

Jim,

That would be why I'm meteorologically depressed only...

Anonymous said...

Just checking in. Haven't really written anything since my scribes finished with the New Testament. Still available for personal conversation whenever you're available. Warm greetings from Dad (GOD). Love ya! JESUS