1. Because of something you did.
2. Used to own seven clinics; now I only own three.
3. Today's temperature a full two degrees below the forecast.
4. Because of something I did because of what you did.
5. Because I'm an ugly, stupid, lazy failure and nobody likes me except Jesus, and even he never writes any more.
6. Chemical imbalance in my brain caused by my membership in the Gourmet Brain Chemical of the Month Club.
7. Because of something I'm pretty sure you did.
8. Ineffective coaching on my son's T-ball team eleven years ago.
9. Because the League of Nations was a fundamentally good idea, and it must be given another chance.
10. Because I am trapped beneath the rubble of a recently-collapsed clinic.
11. Because of something you are.
12. Because I wanted chocolate chip, not chocolate, ice cream! You fucking idiot!
13. Because I'm not trying hard enough; with just a little more effort, I could be hospitally depressed.
14. Because of my inability to take responsibility for myself, which is your fault.