1. Discovered that it had been sleeping around with this other guy's feminine side.
2. Hospitalized for three weeks with acute case of girl germs.
3. Slapped with second-degree sexual assault charges for getting in touch with an apparently off-limits part of my feminine side.
4. For some reason, spent over a thousand dollars on useless, uncomfortable shoes.
5. Creepily, I began to feel something scientists call "empathy".
6. Ended up trying to date myself.
7. Just got all weepy.
8. Arrested after walking into women's locker room at the health club and disrobing.
9. My feminine side turned me down for a date claiming it needed to stay in and wash my hair.
10. Finally remembered my birthday.
11. Hated everything about my physical appearance much more vibrantly.