August 10, 2007

Favorite Isms

Besides the big guns - racism, sexism, jism - there are some other isms that I feel need to step out from the shadows in which the major isms have oppressed them through a ceaseless campaign of intimidation, disenfranchisement and gooey fertility.

Yes, this ismism needs to stop.

To that end, I bring these other isms into the light, empower them with their proud names and the indisputable definitions of who they are!

1. Alcoholism: The systematic belief that all alcohol carries certain inherent properties and that those properties alone determine alcohol's abilities and ultimate fate.

2. Universalism: A belief system undermining the crucial importance of the universe in daily life by relegating it to the unnecessarily limiting category of "Everything".

3. Classism: Hating school.

4. Rhythmism: No Wave / Atonal / Art House band from the late 1970s. Influenced early Sonic Youth albums greatly.

5. Discriminationism: The unjust singling out of those who single out others for discriminatory treatment. See also: the snake eating its own tail. See also: What really dumb people who are trying to sound smart call "discrimination".

6. Catholicism: Maltreatment of individuals who have an unfortunate inability to control their desire for consuming felines.

7. Loveism: Biased treatment and perception of those we care about the most.

8. Extremism: Hatred toward Mountain Dew and those that revel in its related marketing gimmicks.

9. Nothingism: An unrelenting antipathy and biased treatment toward nothing.

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