December 29, 2007

Reasons Why You Should Not Attend "Sex With Seven Women"

1. You frequently have sex with eight or more women and don't want to take that kind of cut in your action.

2. You want to buy tickets online, but the internet killed your dog. So, you refuse to interact with it any longer.

3. We should always be striving to advance the arts and culture by constantly redoing classic plays by classic playwrights.

4. You celebrate the show's performance dates, Friday, January 11 and Saturday, January 12, as your own sacred, personal, but national, holidays.

5. Ten dollars is too much for sex with seven women; usually you only pay six.

6. You believe women should not be allowed to have sex as it is distasteful and, often, beneath them.

7. You have grave concerns that the show may not have enough hardcore content to appease your rarefied tastes.

8. You are sick and tired of supporting local arts organizations that have the gall to support local artists.

9. The play uses the unfortunate word "sex" in the title when it would have sounded so much better were it called "Consensual Physical Intimacy With Seven Women."

10. Turns out, you have to both wake up before 8 p.m. and get off your ass to make it to the Northfield Arts Guild theater for the show.

11. It represents the first time sex or sexuality has ever been used in writing, much less, script writing - marking the exact point at which Western Civilization began collapsing.

12. You're more into extreme theater and are holding out for next year's proposed "Anal Sex With Seventeen Women."

13. You are too dainty.

14. The play might convince you that the mythical beast called "Human Sexuality" is real after all.

15. You're worried that Shakespeare's royalties will decrease too much as a result of theater funds being funneled to this production.

16. Why should you have to pay to see a fundraising play for a local arts organization when they already are rich beyond belief from their long-term involvement with corrupt, monied Big Theater interests in this country?

17. Art is terrifying unless it's old and comfortable.

18. Stick is so far up your ass it impedes sitting in theater chairs.

19. The point of art has never been and must never be to challenge anyone.


(Full disclosure: The internet has only ever threatened my dog. The stick up my ass is comfortably ensconced, thank you very much.)

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2 comments:

Jen said...

Maybe the problem that some people have is that they didn't really know that human sexuality exists...and by bringing the subject forth under the guise of art is just to much for simple minds to absorb. Besides this is obviously a play written by a man who wishes that the thoughts put forth by the female characters are things that females might indeed think. But women know that we never think about sex. It is far too base a subject.

Oh wait, shoot, I just thought about it again. I think it was the male trickery of your site that makes me think about it. What? You can't make me do what I don't want to do? Ummm. Is it okay if I blame you for making me think about human sexuality? Yeah, that's okay with me.

Seriously though, If you think this town is tough, you should have seen the reaction of the church council when my mom wanted to teach human sexuality in our church in Rochester. They actually, finally, realized that it's better to discuss and get out ideas than it is to hide in the dark and pretend that such topics don't exist. Good for you for getting your work presented in a public formum and for you and your wife to give the profits to the NAG as a fund raiser. I wish you and the play luck.

Bleeet said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jen!

You have no idea how good it is to hear from a woman who knows that human sexuality is not an inherently degrading subject, nor should it be, to women.

Now, the critics are bringing Jesus into the equation... apparently my work can only be uplifting if it avoids profanity, sexuality and/or nudity. I guess they know what Jesus wants or would want for me.

I make no such pretense. I'll let Jesus decide for himself.