1. They are usually distastefully naked.
2. Their carbon footprint is twice that of a human's, especially when they walk directly on carbon.
3. Still have not repaid all the money you loaned them several years ago.
4. Horrible parallel parkers.
5. Most are not officially licensed to urinate in public.
6. It's not so much that they eat shit; it's that they eat shit without even asking where it came from, or if it belongs to someone else.
7. Apparently, you are not allowed to just throw them out.
8. Most definitely do not taste like chicken.
9. You suspect that they do not really get your writing.
10. Don't call home when they know they'll be late.
11. No matter how many times you ask, no matter how much you are willing to pay, a dog will never teach you how to lick your own genitals.
12. Creepily loyal, almost clingy.
13. Still have not released to the CIA their top-secret database that is believed to contain the ass-sniff prints of many suspected terrierists.
14. They taunt physicists with their knowledge of speeding up time sevenfold.
15. Do they really "love you", or are they just saying that because they need you?
16. They bark loudly when you argue with them because they know they're losing.
17. Don't look good in even the sexiest of underwear.
18. Some canine ambassadors may not be bargaining in good faith with feline diplomats.
19. Are whores for meat.
20. Unable to make up their minds: they whine when you step on their tail, but they whine louder when you cut it off.
21. You would think their heightened sense of smell would convince them of their urgent need to shower or brush their teeth or put on some deodorant... something.
22. You suspect that, sometimes, they bark just to hear themselves bark.
23. They frequently forget to mow the lawn.
24. Lousy at croquet.
25. Not recyclable.
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