How to Drive Defensively

Step 1. Get in car.

Step 2. Entice international criminals, drunks, CIA agents or Lutherans to chase you.

Step 3. Slow down.

Step 4. Wait for their car to get very close to yours.

Step 5. At the precise moment when the criminal, drunk, agent or Lutheran is going to ram your car, or shoot you, or shame you with a rigorous scowl and finger wave, press the "Baby Slick" button on the secret under-dashboard retractable panel.

Step 6. Accelerate.

Step 7. Laugh in glee watching your pursuer spin out of control on the slippery rabble of babies that shot out of the baby slick nozzle on your rear bumper.

Step 8. Restock your vehicle's baby slick reservoir when you get back home.


(NB: Keep babies well-fed; fat babies provide less traction.)