Knock Knock Jokes of the Damned

Joke #1
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

(A makes annoyed coughing noise)

B: Who's there?

(A rolls his eyes)

B: Who's there?

A: Listen. There isn't a door here. You can see me. You know who it is. It's your friend, A.

B: Fuckin' A?

A: No, just regular old A.

B: Oh, hey, how's it going?


Joke #2
A: Knock. Knock.

B: What do you want?

A: Umm, I want to relate to you my first name, which will compel you to ask for further clarification, at which point I will repeat my first name and add a second or last name or phrase that when said in conjunction with my first name can be made to be a part of a longer sentence or phrase within which it will have a humorous meaning usually made by sounding similar to the words that that phrase or sentence would typically contain.

B: What does this cost?

A: Only fifteen dollars!

B: Not bad. I'll take two.

A: Great!


Joke #3
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Jesus.

B: Jesus who?

A: Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior.

B: Holy shit! Really?!

A: Swear to God.

B: Jesus Christ?

A: Yep.

B: Jesus Christ!

A: Whoa! Relax, pal.

B: So, does your middle name really start with an 'H'?

A: That's a common misconception.


Joke #4
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Who would you like to be there?

B: Aristotle.

A: (pause) Ummm... would he ever have worn a chicken suit?

B: No.

A: Then I'm probably whichever other ancient philosopher wore a chicken suit.


Joke #5
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face

B: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face who?

A: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face twice.

(Door opens. Two shots are fired.)


Joke #6
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Due to statutes contained deep within the Patriot Act we are not required to reveal the identity of the agency for whom we are making this visit.

B: Due to statutes contained deep within the Patriot Act we are not required to...

(Door is kicked in. B is quickly subdued and dragged off to prison where he is held for five years without charges.)


Joke #7
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: This knock knock joke.

B: This knock knock joke who?

A: This knock knock joke that I just told you.


Joke #8
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: You're the asshole.

B: You're the asshole who?

A: You're the asshole who stole my wallet out of my locker at the gym.

(Fight ensues.)


Joke #9
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Wouldn't it more properly be "Whom is there?"

B: I've often wondered that same thing, but it doesn't sound right; does it?

A: No. No. Not quite.

B: Odd.