May 11, 2007

What Justifiably Arouses Your Paranoia

1. Your microwave: Is it irradiating your family, or is it just saying that to scare you?

2. The new neighbors: Have they mowed their lawn yet?

3. Today's Cryptoquiz in the paper: It made more sense before you solved it.

4. The State of Michigan: Did that upper part just move?

5. Your pants: Are they getting tighter and tighter and tighter by the minute?

6. The sun: It's definitely closer today.

7. Emotions: Those manipulative sons of bitches.

8. Blood: Doesn't it just coincidentally seem to be found in all murder victims?

9. Your heart: Should I be able to hear it beating from over here?

10. Fish: Still not talking, hey? Oh yeah? Well, we'll just see about that.

11. Prime numbers: The quiet, brooding loners of the number kingdom.

12. Corey Hart: Despite repeated warnings, still wears his sunglasses... at night!

13. Paranoia: Is it just me, or does it often make you paranoid?

14. Air: Why don't dead people breathe it? Do they know something we don't?

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