1. Your microwave: Is it irradiating your family, or is it just saying that to scare you?
2. The new neighbors: Have they mowed their lawn yet?
3. Today's Cryptoquiz in the paper: It made more sense before you solved it.
4. The State of Michigan: Did that upper part just move?
5. Your pants: Are they getting tighter and tighter and tighter by the minute?
6. The sun: It's definitely closer today.
7. Emotions: Those manipulative sons of bitches.
8. Blood: Doesn't it just coincidentally seem to be found in all murder victims?
9. Your heart: Should I be able to hear it beating from over here?
10. Fish: Still not talking, hey? Oh yeah? Well, we'll just see about that.
11. Prime numbers: The quiet, brooding loners of the number kingdom.
12. Corey Hart: Despite repeated warnings, still wears his sunglasses... at night!
13. Paranoia: Is it just me, or does it often make you paranoid?
14. Air: Why don't dead people breathe it? Do they know something we don't?