1. In America, we have the right to be comfortable when dead.
2. It's a cool underground fort.
3. Parents who love their children very much buy them really expensive caskets.
4. They are not called "coffins".
5. Jesus loves you more when you are wrapped up like a Christmas present for him.
6. Be sure to request casket models which come with free lifetime subscriptions to all the best video game services.
7. Cremation is for the devil and sissies.