May 12, 2007

Convincing Arguments Politicians Use to Disprove Global Warming

1. Remember that one day last January? It was really, really cold!

2. So-called climate "scientists" cannot possibly know as much about global warming as that guy on talk radio.

3. Experts use doom-and-gloom statistical evidence to confuse you, rather than relying on the proven power of anecdotes.

4. You know who else thought the world was warming due to human influence? Hitler.

5. If polar bears are truly suffering, why haven't they lodged any official complaints?

6. A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!

7. Why would people in the business world ever want to manipulate consumer opinion?

8. Scientists operate out of narrow self-interest - without global warming, those who study the Earth and life would have nothing at all to research.

9. Global warming will allow for the opening of valuable shipping lanes to the lucrative Antarctic market.

10. Fucking Hippies.

11. Many ecological people still hypocritically consume resources like food and paper and electricity. Until they get serious, no one else should have to.

12. Throughout time, the Earth has gone through natural cycles of climate change leading to massive extinctions of most life. Why should we worry?

13. Those who are against global warming obviously favor the iceberg - the cold, heartless assassin of the Titanic.

14. Nature doesn't effect rich countries.

15. It's far more important to survive fiscally than physically.

16. I once knew a man who believed in global warming. You know where he is now? Dead.

17. Given time, global warming will fade from memory like those other formerly fashionable theories of evolution, gravity and clouds.

18. Even if global warming were true, we could always just build bigger outdoor air conditioners.

19. Postmodern, well-connected humanity is no longer subject to the vagaries of a primitive, out-of-touch environment.

20. La-la-la-la! I'm not listening! La-la-la!

21. In the Gospel according to John, the Lord clearly commands His followers to go forth and beat the ever-living shit out of all creation.

4 comments:

Linda said...

Hilarious, but of course. Reminds me of one of my favorite Al Franken jokes, referring to "scientists" who testify against global warming: biostitutes.

Bleeet said...

Thanks, Linda, this is one of my favorite lists that I've written. I wrote it partly in response to the state Senator from Northfield posting many items on his blog refuting claims of global warming. My favorite is when they accuse climate scientists of acting out of "narrow self-interest"... as if the climate would not be there to study at all if there were no global warming, as if those arguing against global warming have no self-interests...

This is roughly equivalent to accusing firefighters of acting out of narrow self-interest in putting out the fire... geez, what gloryhounds, obviously they put out the fire to get more funding to put out future fires, the jerks.

Paul Fried said...

Great list, Brendon. Thanks for the recent plug (for your own work here) and link.

Bleeet said...

You're welcome, Paul.

Glad to chime in.