May 9, 2007

Knock Knock Jokes of the Damned


Joke #1

A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

(A makes annoyed coughing noise)

B: Who's there?

(A rolls his eyes)

B: Who's there?

A: Listen. There isn't a door here. You can see me. You know who it is. It's your friend, A.

B: Fuckin' A?

A: No, just regular old A.

B: Oh, hey, how's it going?


Joke #2
A: Knock. Knock.

B: What do you want?

A: Umm, I want to relate to you my first name, which will compel you to ask for further clarification, at which point I will repeat my first name and add a second or last name or phrase that when said in conjunction with my first name can be made to be a part of a longer sentence or phrase within which it will have a humorous meaning usually made by sounding similar to the words that that phrase or sentence would typically contain.

B: What does this cost?

A: Only fifteen dollars!

B: Not bad. I'll take two.

A: Great!


Joke #3
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Jesus.

B: Jesus who?

A: Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior.

B: Holy shit! Really?!

A: Swear to God.

B: Jesus Christ?

A: Yep.

B: Jesus Christ!

A: Whoa! Relax, pal.

B: So, does your middle name really start with an 'H'?

A: That's a common misconception.


Joke #4
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Who would you like to be there?

B: Aristotle.

A: (pause) Ummm... would he ever have worn a chicken suit?

B: No.

A: Then I'm probably whichever other ancient philosopher wore a chicken suit.


Joke #5
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face

B: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face who?

A: When you open the door I'm going to shoot you in the face twice.

(Door opens. Two shots are fired.)


Joke #6
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Due to statutes contained deep within the Patriot Act we are not required to reveal the identity of the agency for whom we are making this visit.

B: Due to statutes contained deep within the Patriot Act we are not required to...

(Door is kicked in. B is quickly subdued and dragged off to prison where he is held for five years without charges.)


Joke #7
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: This knock knock joke.

B: This knock knock joke who?

A: This knock knock joke that I just told you.


Joke #8
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: You're the asshole.

B: You're the asshole who?

A: You're the asshole who stole my wallet out of my locker at the gym.

(Fight ensues.)


Joke #9
A: Knock. Knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Wouldn't it more properly be "Whom is there?"

B: I've often wondered that same thing, but it doesn't sound right; does it?

A: No. No. Not quite.

B: Odd.

2 comments:

ShOI said...

Chicken suit! I wore a chicken suit once for Halloween. My mom made a home movie of it and the camera shook because she was laughing so hard. I wonder how many times Joke #6 has actually happened. "Interrupting cow" is still my favorite knock-knock joke, but these are pretty good, too.

Bleeet said...

Well, they are not even trying to compete with "Interrupting Cow". They are knock knock jokes of the damned, after all.