May 29, 2007

Highly Specialized Tools of the Trade

Trade - Tool

1. Archeaology - Anti Ancient Curse Topical Ointment

2. Carpenter - This thing which looks like a fat stick with a metal thingy on top, and you swing it and hit it against these sharp pointy metal things and push them into, ummm, what's that stuff a lot of trees are made out of nowadays?

3. Professional Soccer Player - Feet (preferably his or her own)

4. Urologist - Map of Urope

5. Chicken- Egg

6. Politician - Two reserve tanks of super-heated oxygen, three for campaign season

7. Mortician - Death

8. Critic - Feelings of cultural superiority coupled with intense self-loathing

9. Firefighter - Heat, fuel and air plus unheat, unfuel and unair

10. Priest - Death

11. Barista - Thorough understanding of revolutionary Latin American political ideologies; also, a barometer

12. Egg - Chicken

13. President / Male Porn Star - Misguided personal philosophy based on self-deceit, good hair and a penis (preferably his own)

14. Assassin - Two toilets, one for each ass

15. Shit Shoveler - Shit, shovel

16. Rent-A-Cop - Muscles, bitter memories of junior high maltreatment

17. Actor - Pathological need for acceptance

18. Writer - Words, inspiration, alcoholism

19. Copywriter - Shit, shovel

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