The Dull
Cast:
Tina
Nita
Setting: Living room, two huge recliners, the chairs are facing upstage, audience can't see the people in the chairs. Between them, upstage and facing the audience is a large TV. Dialogue is lethargic, dull and very slow.
(lights up, extremely long pause)
Tina: Nita?
Nita: Tina?
T: This show sucks.
N: Change the channel.
T: No.
N: O.K.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: I know why this show sucks.
N: Why?
T: TV's off.
N: Yep.
T: It's not on.
N: Right.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Will you turn it on?
N: Nope.
T: Why?
N: I like this show.
T: It's not on.
N: Yeah, great show.
T: There is no show.
N: It's my favorite.
T: No show is your favorite?
N: No, this one is.
T: Which one?
N: This one that isn't on.
T: This is your favorite?
N: Yes, it is.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: I don't get it.
N: What?
T: The show.
N: What's to get?
T: Well, is it not on, or are we not watching it?
N: Yes.
T: Which?
N: Both.
T: Oh.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: I still don't get it.
N: Well, if you're not watching an off show, then it's the same as watching an on show.
T: No, I meant I don't get the show.
N: Oh.
T: What's it called?
N: No title.
T: Who's on it?
N: Nobody.
T: What do they do?
N: Nothing.
T: When's it on?
N: Never.
T: When's it not on?
N: Never.
T: O.K.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: This show is dull.
N: Sure.
T: They could call it "Dull".
N: Yes.
T: Or just "The Dull".
N: That's good.
T: Yeah, nothing happens.
N: Nothing.
T: To no one.
N: No where.
T: Never.
N: Perfect.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Are you recording this?
N: Maybe.
T: Good.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Do you ever miss this show?
N: Never.
T: Really?
N: Really.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: I think I get it now.
N: Get what?
T: This show.
N: Good.
T: Now, I love it. I don't want to close my eyes even for a second.
N: Might miss something.
T: Or I won't miss nothing.
N: Right, you might or might not miss something or nothing.
T: It's very complex.
N: Nothing always is.
T: Riveting.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Is the show almost done?
N: No.
T: Good, I'm completely addicted to it.
N: Yes.
T: I have to find out how it ends.
N: Of course.
T: I mean, will nothing happen?
N: Don't know.
T: Like some sort of big surprise nothing? You know nothing that you could ever expect to happen?
N: Possibly, keep watching.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: This show is amazing!
N: It's all over.
T: Really?
N: Yeah, it's not on now.
T: It never was on, though... right?
N: Yes, but now it's done not being on.
T: So... it's actually on now...
N: Could be, but we're not watching it anymore.
T: But... we never were watching it, right?
N: Yes, but now we're done not even doing that.
T: Wow.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Uhhh... how did it end?
N: Total surprise ending.
T: Really?
N: Yeah, nothing happened, and I didn't even see it coming.
T: A suprise?
N: Shocking.
T: Shocking?
N: Gratuitously so.
T: Awesome.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: What are we doing now?
N: Not watching what else isn't on.
T: O.K.
(long pause)
T: Nita?
N: Tina?
T: Don't you wish people would sit in us again?
N: You know the family's gone for a whole year.
T: I know.
N: So, stop complaining, we've got a ton of television to not watch.
(Tina sighs, lights fade out)
(end)
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