Mountain: (waking up) Ahhhh.... man! Hey there. I'm not gonna lie to ya: I slept like shit last millenium. Awake, asleep, awake, asleep, really restless... No deep sleep, ya know?
Lately, I've just not been feeling so... fresh... you know? Don't get me wrong, for the last few million years, I've been sitting on as comfortable a piece of floating crust as you could find. Lately, though, I'm getting a lot of friction downstairs. Not as bad as some of my friends, of course, but plenty enough to notice. Enough to be annoying.
Every once in a while, I get a twinge deep down. I get really shaky for awhile, 'til I find my footing again. I usually get kinda hot-headed at the same time. I feel like a kid again, lots of growing pains. Rock slides, trees destroyed, then I'll spit up some of the hot stuff. I try to control it, but, I gotta confess, it feels better after having done it. Let's the pressure out from down below.
Doesn't help with my sleep though. Ahhh.. well... enough complaining, gonna try to take a nap.
Well... look who's the center of attention! I've got these new animals called "people" climbing all over me.
At first, I liked it... they took what they needed, then, you blink, and wham! They're everywhere! They cut all my trees, blasted holes in me and laid a giant strip of gray rock up and over my right shoulder. They put up a sign that says it's the "Highest Mountain Pass in America." Whatever an america is.
They used all the lumber from my slopes to build houses. I spent the next fifty years crushing those houses with the loose rocks they left behind after the trees were gone. These people are nuts. They put up big houses, bigger and bigger, most of the animals are gone, except up high where most people usually don't make it.
(conspiritorially) Hey... guess what... I got a confession to make. You remember the people? You know the houses, the pass, the skiing? I killed 'em. As many as I could.
I took 'em out... fast! I just blew up one day, about fifty thousand years ago... no warning, nothing. Boom! In one second, I was a couple hundred feet shorter, enormous chunks of me flew up to ten miles away, huge wall of mud and trees and rock took out everything.
The hot vomit burned what was left, and piles of ash covered the remains. My friends were impressed. They had to try it. I told them it had to come from the inside... they couldn't force it.
The people tried to come back at first. I burped once or twice; they left pretty damn fast.
I haven't even seen a person since then... well, I mean for the next two hundred years or so, but that was it. They were just gone. I know for many, many years the air smelled horrible. It was like nothing was fresh anymore.
Then the rains started, and the water moved in. My lower slopes have different sorts of trees on them now. I see water everywhere. I'm practically standing in it. No more snow at all, not for thousands of years.
That's frustrating, but, if it means no more people, then I'm all for it. Bad trash, well disposed.
(light fading) Well, nice talking to you all. I'm gonna get some rest.