July 23, 2006

A Play A Day #101

Q v. K


Setting: Blank Stage. King stays in same place throughout play. Queen moves from one spot to some other spot whenever she's talking.

(lights up)

King: Because I'm the king, that's why.

Queen: You are a puppet. I'm in charge.

K: Explain that to my advisors, please.

Q: Your advisors are cowards before me.

K: Not while I'm around.

Q: Precisely.

K: Your threats are so commonplace as to be meaningless.

Q: My threats come from my great power.

K: I am well protected.

Q: For now.

K: I have strategic defenses against your kind of moves.

Q: My moves are constrained by no defense.

K: Your moves are constrained by your utter predictablity.

Q: I go where I want, when I want.

K: And you do so in such a conspicuous manner, like screaming while you tip-toe.

Q: I can crush you with one tip of one toe.

K: Do so and watch the kingdom fall.

Q: I will build it again.

K: With whose help?

Q: It will be in my image.

K: You know, if you don't have me to fight, your purpose will disappear.

Q: The new kingdom will become my purpose.

K: I'm a popular king. Your head will roll.

Q: That's the chance all the great ones must take.

K: You know this is so useless.

Q: Yes, that's due to your presence in this battle.

K: No, I mean, your moves have no effect on me.

Q: Ha! Yet you protest against them so vehemently.

K: Because I'm your husband!

Q: And?

K: And, I'm on your team, you frothing nutjob!

Q: And?

K: Why aren't you attacking the white king like you're supposed to?

Q: Why?

K: He's been sitting there defenseless while you persist in making false thrusts against me!

Q: So?

K: So?! So?! Take him out, we'll rule two kingdoms together!

Q: (Looking over her shoulder, pause) What's he ever done to me?

K: That's not the point!

Q: It's exactly the point! I've put up with your garbage for five years! You get all the credit for this great kingdom, and I do all the grunt work.

K: I give you plenty of credit!

Q: I don't want it from you. I want it from everyone. I get you out of the picture; I rule by myself. It's all mine!

K: You're sick.

Q: Exquisitely so.

K: The people will never get behind you.

Q: They'll have to; as soon as you're gone, I go to war with the white king. They will always supoort their queen at war.

K: You'll never win!

Q: I don't have to, just scare him enough, then bargain a truce under the condition that he marry me.

K: He won't allow it.

Q: He will. He'll get ruling share of two kingdoms in exchange for my hand. Peace will reign, the people will be behind me.

K: And you'll be second fiddle again.

Q: Until the old white king dies unexpectedly one day. So sad.

K: You are a dangerous hag.

Q: (advancing directly on king from behind) Well, at least you're seeing my good side.

K: You can't do that; that was an illegal move!

Q: I'm making the rules now.

K: Stay away, witch!!

Q: Nightie night, my dearly departed.

(King looks ahead in horror, Queen draws a dagger, lights out)


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