A Play A Day #107

Performance Review

Cast:
Red
Les

Setting: Red is sitting at a small table, drinking coffee nervously, despondent.


Red: (muttering) Crap, crap, crap, crap...

(enter Les)

Les: Hey Red! What's... uh... up... or is down a better term here?

Red: I had another performance review today. Les, I don't know what to do... the harder I try, the more I work, the more demands get placed on me, the harder the boss cracks down on me for not fulfiling the demands, meaning I work harder, and so more demands get placed on me!

Les: Horrible cycle you're caught in, Red.

Red: I know, there's no way out.

Les: Naaah... there's gotta be an easy solution to it.... ummm... have you tried talking to the boss, like from the heart?

Red: Yeah, I tried that old trick... she says: "No excuses, Red! You know you can do better than that!"

Les: She's not buying the I-am-but-one-man schtick, huh?

Red: Not at all. She says the last man in my position tried to cover his ass with that old song, and we both know what happened to him...

(They both look off for a second, remember, then shudder)

Les: Ouch. Not pretty. He was tossed out of the job so fast, it created a sonic boom.

Red: She's just so hard to please! Nothing is ever right, nothing even gets close!

Les: I know what you mean.

Red: Do you, Les? I mean it, really... do you know what I mean? I need some help here!

Les: Well, she treats me differently, but the situation is different for you; I mean you're her go-to man. You've got to be sharp all the time. That's a lot of pressure. With me, see she only needs to interact with me when she's in a desperate situation; so I always come out looking like I've saved her from something.

Red: You lucky bastard.

Les: Sorry, man, if I could take some of the pressure off, you know I would, but that would arouse a lot of suspicion.

Red: I know it would. You know sometime I wish I had your job.

Les: Listen, it ain't all honeysuckle and chocolate where I'm sitting either. I get a lot of the same issues; though, I admit, you're in a bad way.

Red: Sometimes... I... just want to end it all... the pressure.... the fucking pressure, Les... it just kills me... I mean, I'm back on the heart medication again! I'm 41 years old, and I've been on heart meds for almost 3 years, on and off...

Les: Stress-related?

Red: (rising in desperation) Yes! Do this! Do that! Do this that way! Do that this way! No! Not that way, this way! Work on it! Work harder! Faster! Harder!! FASTER!! Damnit ALL!!! TO!!! HELL!!!! (Les has put a calming hand on his shoulder, Red starts calming down) I... I... I...(long pause) I just... don't know what to do any more.

Les: Alright, man... it's alright. I mean, there are other things you can try.

Red: Such as?

Les: Have you gone above her head?

Red: (loud derisive laughter) Chahhh! Are you kidding? She's a fucking God to them. I'm the problem child!

Les: Alright...

Red: And don't think I don't get the shit for trying that trick. She finds out, and my head moves that much closer to the ax. And she always finds out!

Les: Are you trying any counseling?

Red: I don't have the time!

Les: Why don't you write her a letter seeking some sort of resolution and middle ground.

Red: I did. She tore it up. In my face.

Les: Red, I don't know what to tell you. Listen, in the long run, you do what's right for you. If that means leaving the position; so be it.

Red: Thanks, Les; I know you're just trying to help.

Les: Well, I know she respects you. She told me the other night how great a worker you are for her; granted, it was right after sex with me, so she was feeling pretty good.

Red: Really, she said that?

Les: She also told me to tell you to make yourself scarce tonight. She's got a couple new men she's trying out, and, well having her husband around, kinda gets in the way... no offense...

Red: Hey! None taken. None taken. Put in a good word for me tonight if you can.

Les: Sure, Red. Can do.

(lights out)

(end)