July 16, 2008

Brendon Etter Unsuspends His Mayoral Campaign

Brendon Etter, the leading write-in candidate for Northfield's mayor, today announced that the previous suspension of his campaign, announced at 11 p.m. last night, has itself been suspended.

By suspending the suspension, Etter has re-entered the race, his devilishly untidy coif flowing behind him, as the undisputed front runner among write-in candidates for the mayor's office.

Last night, in a hectic, hastily called press conference held poolside at his Caucasus Mountains retreat, Etter called off his campaign due to "exhaustion." This morning, his tune had changed considerably.

"That was nothing a good thirteen hours of sleep couldn't cure." claimed Etter. "My exhaustion had much less to do with the stress and strain of the campaign trail and more to do with going for a vigorous five-mile sprint in ninety-degree heat."

"Plus the cocaine, which I take only on a prescription basis, has helped immensely."

Etter expects to return to Northfield to resume the campaign once his private hydrocopter has been cleaned, refueled and restocked with koala meat.

The koala meat is also used medicinally, according to Etter's team of physicians and healers.

The Golden Boy of Northfield's insurgent underground political scene, about whom so little is known but so much expected, flashed his heart-melting smile and went back to working with his charitable organization which strives to give orphans the world over much needed, practical, intensive work experience in critically understaffed factories and other off-shore entities.

"You should see their little eyes light up!" beamed Etter.

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