Dear Citizens of Northfield, Living and/or Dead,
I am announcing today, in this august forum in July, my intention to run for the Mayor of Northfield as a write-in candidate.
I do not wish to play that sly insider's game of officially filing for candidacy. I don't want to waste the five dollars or valuable city staff time. Running as a write-in candidate makes the most sense.
How much sense?
I'm a runner; so running for mayor makes sense. I'm a writer; so a write-in candidacy makes sensier. I once also went on a date with a girl named Candi; so being a candidate makes sensiest.
- More money for everyone!
- More freedom!
- A chicken in every hot tub in every car in every garage!
- More smoky sensuality!
- Capable of listening to stupid things other leaders say!
- Kids eat for free on Thursdays!
- Occasional control of the weather!
- Will build liquor stores everywhere I possibly can!
- Hardly ever been convicted of anything.
- Great arm from centerfield.
- Smoky sensuality.
- Relatively firm handshake.
- Avoid conflict of interest issues by not being interested in anything.
- No known communicable diseases.
- An ardent, passionate, drooling, erotic lust for helping others.
- Not a complete idiot.
Because the good and bad citizens of this fair city expect so many different things out of their mayor, I find it better to have as many different slogans as possible, depending on who is paying attention. Here are some of them. I will add more as the political winds / events change. I think that's only fair. Some of these were originally posted here.
- Brendon Etter: Mayor-y Me
- Brendon Etter: Less Stupider Than You Might Think
- Brendon Etter: Ribbed, For Your Civic Pleasure
- Brendon Etter: He Knows Things About You Your Vote Might Keep Under Wraps
- Brendon Etter: Probably Fighting Terrorism
- Brendon Etter: He Really Loves You
- Brendon Etter: He's Got A Flexible Plan Of Some Sort
- Brendon Etter: Committed To Xsellents
- Brendon Etter: Against Evil Things
- Brendon Etter: So Smokily Sensual
- Brendon Etter: He's A Candidate
- Brendon Etter: Do You Have Children
- Brendon Etter: w00t w00t
I need a campaign manager and an organizational team. Could someone write some supporting letters to the local newspaper?
If you want to be involved on the Brendon Etter Write-In Candidacy for the Mayor of Northfield 2008 Team, just let me know in the comments section.
What are the issues? What is our approach? Who do we like? Who do we hate? Let me know. I have no idea. I'll listen to anyone, even stupid people, that's how kind I am!
Love and Kisses,