In a musk-scented missive inscribed on dried rhino hide, Brendon Etter's staff today bestowed new campaign slogans upon the unsuspecting citizens of Northfield.
A brief statement prefacing the new slogans cautioned the populace that these are not alternative slogans, but rather new, additional slogans to be used with any of the other previously-released slogans.
The slogans -
Brendon Etter: He Might Be O.K. At This
Brendon Etter: Brendon! Etter!
Brendon Etter: Putting The "Paign" In Campaign
Brendon Etter: He Has Ideas About Stuff
Brendon Etter: Vaguely Concerned About Your Needs
Brendon Etter: Hell Yeah!
Brendon Etter: Close Personal Friend To Everyone
Brendon Etter: Double Plus Good
Brendon Etter: Vote For Him Or You're An Idiot
Brendon Etter: How Did We Get So Lucky?
Brendon Etter: The Decider
Brendon Etter: He Loves Me
Brendon Etter: The Great Promiser Of Things
Brendon Etter: Would Have Kicked Hitler's Ass
Brendon Etter: As Seen In T.V.
Here's a smear slogan for his opponent:
Brendon Etter: Have you met him?
Listen, Henry, I do and do and do for you, and this is the thanks I get?
I prefer this alternative:
Brendon Etter: Have You Met Him!
Brendon; he goes to 11.
That will be $500,000 please.
Shit. All I got is this lousy $100,000 bill. Does that work for you? Love the slogan. Thank you.
Brendon Etter: Will Maintain Regular Office Hours
Brendon Etter: Hygienically Adequate
Whoa, Jim... slow down there... MIGHT maintain regular office hours. I mean, something important might come up. Or I might not feel like it.
Brendon Etter:Sanitized for your protection
Brendon Etter: Less Filling,Tastes Great
That's a 12-Step Program for people whose lives have been overrun by the need to express excessive gratitude.
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