The First !Evar! Inaugural Annual Yearly Brendon Etter For Mayor Theme Song Writing And Performing Contest!
Do you have what it takes to compose a campaign theme song that will capture the hearts and wallets and groins of voters across the world?
Can you capture the greatness, the sexiness, the glory, the self-sacrificing humility of the Man and His Write-In Campaign?
Almost certainly you cannot, but give it your lame-ass best! This is America, after all!
I don't care where you do it. I don't care what the song contains. I don't care how much you pay me for the rights to use my name and aura in your cute, bumbling manner. I don't even care about you.
I only care that you do it.
Do. It. Now.
There will be two categories in which you can suck: Quality and Performance.
You can win in either or in both. You do not need to perform your song for me, as I'd rather not be bothered, but you should post the song lyrics and video of your performance on YouTube or the Brendon Etter For Mayor Facebook page.
Please do not harm any cute animals in the production of your video. Ugly ones - fine - but not the cute ones.
What will you win? Cash, or its equivalent in pride.
Very, very little in either case.
You should do this, however, not for the cash or pride, but for the greater good - namely, glorifying my candidacy and extolling my virtues.
Please tag all YouTube videos as "Brendon Etter for Mayor" so we needn't waste our time watching stupid things like dramatic "chipmunks" or fat guys dancing to German techno songs.
Also, I'll be counting each entry as a vote as per my widely-accepted UltraDemocracy principles.
That seems like the right thing to do. Why does a vote have to look like a vote? Hasn't America, haven't you grown past that simplistic representation of your candidate selection?
In the future, all votes will take place through videos on YouTube, and democracy shall be all the better and more exciting.
Get cracking, America!
With Almost Some Affection,
Genuinely Devastating Leading Write-In Candidate for Northfield Mayor