The most... ummm... Valentiney of all the holidays, Valentine's Day, is revered the world over for its ability to make people cry.
As a selfless public servant, I've taken nearly five minutes to rename this holiday in a more honest fashion.
1. Red Paper Crap Day
2. Forced Romance Day
3. Can Buy Me Love Day
4. Fake Inclusive Affection For Even The Loser Kids In Class Day
5. Pretending To Care Day
7. Sentiment Gestapo Day
8. Veiled Bitterness Day
9. Unnecessary Purchases Day
10. Remembrance Of Shames Past Day
11. Lame, Compulsory Guilt Day
12. Amorous Extortion Day
13. Saint Fucking Bullshit's Day