February 14, 2008

Other Names for Valentine's Day

The most... ummm... Valentiney of all the holidays, Valentine's Day, is revered the world over for its ability to make people cry.

As a selfless public servant, I've taken nearly five minutes to rename this holiday in a more honest fashion.

1. Red Paper Crap Day

2. Forced Romance Day

3. Can Buy Me Love Day

4. Fake Inclusive Affection For Even The Loser Kids In Class Day

5. Pretending To Care Day

6. Stalkertopia

7. Sentiment Gestapo Day

8. Veiled Bitterness Day

9. Unnecessary Purchases Day

10. Remembrance Of Shames Past Day

11. Lame, Compulsory Guilt Day

12. Amorous Extortion Day

13. Saint Fucking Bullshit's Day


Anonymous said...

Awwww, you don't mean that!

Brendon Etter said...

Certainly, I'm overstating my sentiments for humorous value, Bright, but I am definitely not a fan of this particular holiday.

ShOI said...

Sophie kept using "valentine" as a swear word the other night. It was surreal and hilarious. Now she's back to calling things she doesn't like "damn-y."

Brendon Etter said...

You mean, like: "Oh muthervalentine! Get the valentine outta here! You stupid valentine valentinehole!"

Valentine like that?

Unknown said...

I happen to like "Fake Inclusive Affection For Even The Loser Kids In Class Day" Too many times in school I had to make valentines for people I hated. What are you supposed to say on those, anyway? 'You're so ugly I wish I didn't have to sit across from you and your fish breath. Happy Valentine's Day.' ????

Brendon Etter said...

Exactly my point, Masquerade. So what are we teaching the little ones: "It's always best to lie, especially if it's about your emotions."


Annimaster said...

Singles Awareness Day

Josh said...

I think that you're forgetting Artificial Holiday with Strong Commercial Overtones Day.