February 23, 2008

Memo to Gays: Stop Causing Earthquakes.

I will confess to having some irrational beliefs to which I cling despite the absence of any reliable evidence, or despite the presence of reliable contradictory evidence. Most of these fall in the category of mild personal delusions - gerbils love me, I am handsome and graceful, my erect penis is inhumanly large, etc... - standard stubborn stuff.

However, I'll never slip so far down the slope of obstinacy as to understand why someone like this MP from Israel can openly proclaim that his country's legislated acceptance of homosexual relationships has lead to earthquakes. From the BBC:

Shlomo Benizri, of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Shas Party, said the tremors had been caused by lawmaking that gave "legitimacy to sodomy"....

Mr Benizri made his comments while addressing a committee of the Israeli parliament, or Knesset, about the country's readiness for earthquakes.

He called on lawmakers to stop "passing legislation on how to encourage homosexual activity in the state of Israel, which anyway brings about earthquakes".

"Shas", by the way, is Hebrew for "Yes. I am a fucking idiot."

Was that antisemitic? Well, I think most Jews probably shake their heads and hope for a little antisemitic energy to be directed specifically at this paranoid pustule.

This Shlomo of a bitch may represent some people in his country with his unorthodox orthodoxy, but you can't help but wonder who? The terrified, the control freaks, the sociopathic and the intellectually infirm would be my top guesses.

Nice to know that Israel also has its own Pat Robertsons. I take comfort in knowing that other countries have public figures that rule through fear and scapegoating. It means that other countries must have some horseshit educational institutions through which these fundamentalist demagogues also ooze, unenlightened by anything other than their own lust for power.

Hmmm... now that I've brought it up, has there been any other leader out there who also scapegoated homosexuals in the name of the public good?

Maybe. I think his name started with an "A" and rhymed with "gaydolf" - ironic as it may seem.

Interesting to see this is one Jew who goose-steps right along with Hitler's philosophy.

This is what you get when you listen to the fundamentalist genie spewing magical myths for too long. Get out now, children! There is a refuge. It's called your brain.

Use it.

Look around...

Do you see those two men holding hands in the park? Though their love may shake their very souls, what are the odds that it is also shaking the Earth's crust?

Is God mad at your country because you can't legally repress these heathen hand-holding homos? Does God love you and all those who purport to speak for him? If so, why doesn't God simply kill the offending gay couple? And all the other homosexuals? He's omniscient, right? Wouldn't that be a more logical solution?

Okay, that's enough being nice to this moron and his foollowers. (Intentional misspelling there.)

Here are some other things people of this ilk probably believe:

1. People who don't wash their hands before they eat create lightning.

2. Thinking about your genitals will cause the sun to set.

3. Clapping will bring a scantily-clad pixie back to life.

4. Licking a metal pole in freezing weather will cause the pole to ejaculate.

5. Talking to a prostitute will increase your home heating bill fifteen per cent.

6. Masturbation causes deserts.

7. Physical pleasure will prevent your car from starting.

8. Sexy underwear will lead to anteaters.

9. Not thinking about God will make your hair grow.


SplendidMonkey said...

@#3 - get a Leg lamp and a Clapper and Bob's your uncle.

Brendon Etter said...


Ummm, yeah... exactly?